“Your eyes are beautiful”

Yesterday I went to the grocery store.  While shopping in the produce section, a man that works at the store told me my eyes were beautiful.

Nice, right?  Funny, but I actually used to hear that a lot.   You know, when I was young and single.  :)

I have big blue eyes.  Guess that does it for some guys.  ha ha

Last night we were watching “What Not To Wear’ on TV cuz my fashionista child is obsessed with that show.  They were doing the make-up part and talking about the lady’s eyes.  I said “Hey, some guy at the store today told me my eyes were beautiful.”  And I laughed.  My kids thought that was funny of course.  Hubby said “Nice” in a sarcastic tone.  Soon after that he left the room – this would be the half an hour that he was awake and we were both home at the same time yesterday.

After that the cold shoulder started.  He went to the kitchen to get something to eat.  I knew why he was acting all tense.  As soon as he said “Nice” I knew where it was headed.  Stupid right?  Stupid for sure.

In his defense he had not slept all day and was ready to crash.  But it’s still stupid.  And it got stupider.  More stupid.  Stupider.   Ha!

I decided that it was too stupid to comment on so when he sat down at the table to eat, I sat down and started telling him about my day and talking about kid stuff and whatever.  I got one word replies and he stared down at his plate the whole time.

Finally I said, “Seriously??   You cannot be mad about that!”  He said he could be mad if he wanted to be.  I said “You are mad at me because a guy told me my eyes are beautiful??”  He said he was mad at him, not me and that I should have asked him if he thought his wife’s eyes were beautiful!   I wanted to laugh.  I mean, come on!  I somehow said that that we really didn’t have much of a conversation.  I was smiling and trying to lighten the mood.  He asked me if the guy knew I was married?  I said it didn’t come up cuz we really didn’t even have a conversation!

He would not let it go.  So….  I said that if the guy cared to know that I was married, he would have been able to tell because I had my wedding ring on.  And of course I had to throw back at him that he doesn’t wear his.    Then he stomped downstairs to sleep on the couch in the basement.

I was happy he went to bed.  That made the nonsense stop.

Then I tried to get the kids to help me address Christmas cards.  They threw a fit cuz they were “busy” and didn’t want to help.  Kid1 fell asleep on the couch cuz she was still sick.  Kid2 went upstairs and closed her door and turned up the music.  Kid3 wanted no part of it cuz he was building something out of cardboard, popsicle sticks, the spring from a pen?  and using all the tape we have in the house.   So I sat there at the table myself and just felt like my night was ruined.  I had taken the day off to catch up on everything.   I got a lot of errands done, but not much done at home.  I felt alone.

That night I thought I’d at least get the cards done and some cookies made. My whole family is coming over tomorrow for our ‘cookie exchange’ party. Then I thought maybe hubby would get in the hot tub with me.  We haven’t been in it for a while and I thought that would be the perfect end to the day cuz I knew I’d feel more relaxed after getting a bunch of stuff checked off my list.  This is how it all went in my head.  I know that things rarely go as planned, but he totally killed that plan for me.  I wish it didn’t get to me so much but it does.  He burst my bubble yesterday I guess.  And because it was for such a ridiculous reason, it ticked me off even more.

I put the cards away and I didn’t make any cookies.  I poured some wine, got my fuzzy blanket, curled up in the recliner and watched ‘The Mistletones” which I had DVR’d earlier.  I know he is not supposed to be in charge of my emotions.  I know I am not supposed to let his moods affect me.  I know, I know, I know.  Easier said than done some days.  And I think I deserve a medal for all the times I have done that successfully!

Could I have carried on with my plan and hummed Christmas songs all over the house, got my stuff done  and been happy?  Yea.  Sometimes I get tired of trying so hard to be indifferent though.  And that is what it is.  I put so much energy into not letting his negative energy affect me. It is exhausting!

I sat there in the recliner fuming.  I wanted to go wake him up and scream at him.  I knew it would do no good though and would have just made the night worse.  So I wrote him a note.  Ha!  I knew he would be asleep right until it was time for him to get up and go to work.  He came to say goodbye, gave me a kiss and went on his way.  I almost didn’t give it to him, then changed my mind and followed him to the door.  He asked what it was.  I said I knew he wouldn’t want to talk about it but I had something to say!  I handed it to him and walked away.  I have no idea if he read it or not.

The note said I thought it was nice of the guy to say that and it made me feel good to get a compliment.  I said that he used that to punish me and not talk to me and he made me feel like crap.  I said think about this –  some random guy at the grocery store noticed my eyes and said something nice to me – my husband won’t even look at my face or talk to me.

It was a short note. And I was upset so who knows what all I wrote. But he was sweet as pie this morning.  I decided to get in the hot tub this am as soon as the last kiddo was on the bus.  He said he would join me.  I only got in really quickly though cuz a kid was apparently playing with the temperature dial and it was not hot!  So he never got in.  I took a shower, got dressed, did some house-cleaning stuff and came back here to my office.  He went to bed.  And life goes on.  Sigh.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Judi
    Dec 20, 2012 @ 14:47:52

    I have big blue eyes too and used to get tons of compliments. Husband rarely compliments me too. When he does it feels so great. I wish we could both shower each other with love and compliments…it would be so nice.

    I just don’t understand why they want to be angry and upset all the time??? your hubby could have just said “that guy was right…MY wife does have beautiful eyes” and then smiled and everyone would have been happy. So simple.

    I would have baked cookies with you if you had just asked! LOL :)


  2. Zoe
    Jan 17, 2013 @ 10:02:14

    Judi – I’ve been meaning to tell you.. a few days after this happened, I found that note still in his lunch box. I have no idea if he ever read it or not. But after reading your comment, I got that note back out and wrote on it what you said – that instead of getting mad, he could have just been nice and said something like “that guy was right…you do have beautiful eyes”.
    I wish I had thought of that when we were arguing about it that night! lol :)


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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