Anxiety Overload

What a week!

(And it's only Wednesday???)

Monday evening hubby totally ticked me off.  I told him so.  And then as usual, he got ticked at me for being ticked at him.  I bit my tongue (mostly) Monday night because the kiddos were home.  Tuesday morning after they all left for school we had a big “discussion” about it.  It wasn’t really a fight I guess.  There were words, there was some yelling and some crying.  There were some more words and maybe even some solutions. I hope to have time to babble more about this later!

Monday night/Tuesday morning were stressful.  I was on edge and feeling really out of sorts.  I had PMS last week, my period this week.  My period week is usually better for me in terms of hormones, emotions etc but I feel like my skin is crawling so that theory isn’t accurate this month.

Then today I read a post on Roots To Blossom.  She is an amazing lady – she has been through hell and back and is such an inspiration!  I was reading her story about depression & the birth of her first child and got so overwhelmed just reading it.  Seriously I had to put my head down and try to stop the spinning – I thought I was going to pass out.  I was already feeling all out of sorts and the story was intense and I guess it just got me.  I was sitting here, leaning down with my head between my knees thinking that I can’t even read it without losing it – this woman lived it!

Then I really messed up at work.  Ugh.  I hate to admit it but I did.  The client was very angry and threatening  to cancel his account with me.   I’m getting more & more clients and it’s getting to be too much for one person to handle.  Of course I don’t want to out-source it but I think I’m going to have to.  This screw up was just because an important task got lost on my huge task list on my calendar.

I felt sick to my stomach as soon as I realized what I had done.  And I knew I had to tell the client.  He is not a very forgiving man so I knew that was going to completely suck.  I had to get away from it.  I went out and walked around the snowy yard for a while, talking to myself.  lol  Mostly in my head but occasionally out loud.  I’m sure the neighbors think I’m crazy.  I felt light headed and like I couldn’t get my breath.

Finally I came in and dealt with the problem.  I seriously wondered if I could get through that call without throwing up!  He was mad.  He was not nice.  He threatened to pull his business.  I calmly explained, apologized, and offered a solution.  When we hung up he was still angry and said he would contact me tomorrow to transfer his account to another company.  Fast forward a few hours.  He sent a calm email saying he wasn’t going to fire me after all.  Yippee.

The thing is that I was feeling on edge and panicky before any of these things even happened.  So then the things I can usually handle pretty much put me over the edge.  Ugh.

I have a few more marketing reports I need to finish up before I can have some wine.  Really looking forward to it tonight though!

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara
    Feb 06, 2013 @ 20:15:02

    It sounds like you need a big glass of wine and some chocolate. xo

    Reply

  2. Jill
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 06:17:42

    Zoe here’s a (((big hug))). Hang in there girl. xx

    Reply

  3. Janie in the midwest
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 11:44:55

    Have you ever considered that you may be an empath? Just search “empath test” on google and it will give you an idea if you are this emotional type (there are 4 types: the intellectual, the gusher, the rock, and the empath). It sounds all sort of crazy and new-agey, but these four emotional types actually have a good base in science (I used to work in psych). Empaths pick up the energy of other people too easily (either in person, through blogs, and even by reading books and watching movies). Being an empath makes it easy for them to relate to and support others, but they can become sucked dry by negative energy much more quickly than others. Check it out and see if it applies to you. Hugs!

    Reply

  4. Jane in the midwest
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 12:45:09

    I found a basic empath test for you here: http://www.empathtest.com/

    Also, tips on how to cope with being an empath here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-orloff-md/are-you-an-emotional-empa_b_697483.html

    Reply

  5. Zoe
    Feb 08, 2013 @ 09:15:52

    Hi all. Thanks for the support. Jane – I have never heard of that before. I know I am over-flowing with empathy. I always have been. I assume that is where the word empath comes from….
    My reaction was intense to be sure, never had something like that happen before just from reading something! I will check out those links later. Thanks :)

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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