Random Updates: Vday, Emotions, Lent, Funerals

Hi.  There is so much to say, I am behind.  I blog in my head, but can’t seem to get here to type it out.

Let’s see.  I did start the inevitable ‘Vday Sucks’ post but never finished it.  It is quite ugly anyway.  Probably better left in the draft section.  Short story: hubby didn’t get me anything for VDay, I tried not to care but failed.  We’ve had this issue for years.  Gifts are one of my love languages so it truly is important to me. He knows that.  I am not a materialistic bitch that demands expensive gifts.  I just want to know I am appreciated. Valued.  I think gifts say that because someone made the effort and wanted to take the time to show you that you are loved.  That is special.  I’ve said it before… write me a note, buy me my favorite gum or candy bar…  whatever!  Or even better yet – actually look at me and say some kind words and say “Happy Valentine’s Day.”  That is all I ask.  Words of affirmation are my primary love language :)

I’ve had a rough time controlling my emotions lately.  Doing better the last few days but it was rough for a while.  It was not the regular PMS time so I don’t know what’s up but I was a freakin mess.  I lost it on hubby.  Not proud.  Just being honest.  I have felt all out of sorts and can’t figure out why.  It felt like PMS that wouldn’t go away.  Ugh.  I am feeling normal now and hopefully this lasts!

LENT:  Usually I don’t give up anything for lent.  I haven’t for many years but we were reading about it cuz the kids were asking questions so I decided to give up coffee.  I know. I am stupid!  I love my coffee!  I knew it was going to be hard.  That’s the point though right?  I’m wondering if that had anything to do with my erratic mood that just wouldn’t quit.  I haven’t had any coffee for 6 days now.  Woo hoo.  Caffeine withdrawal is rough!  I am drinking tea instead so I am still getting caffeine, but not nearly as much.  Kids 2 & 3 gave up minecraft for lent.  THAT has been very hard for my son especially.  It was his own decision though and I am proud of him for sticking with it.  One of the articles we read said that Sundays didn’t count, meaning you could have whatever you gave up on Sundays.  I never heard that before but that is what happened with minecraft and it has helped.  I didn’t have coffee on Sunday, didn’t want to be tempted back to my beloved coffee!  Anyway, the last few days I have felt much calmer.  Not sure if it has to do with my hormone cycle or maybe because I got the caffeine out of my system.  I’ve been meaning to cut back anyway since caffeine is NOT good for people with anxiety / panic attacks.

We had 2 deaths in the family last week and the funerals were this past weekend.  They were both hubby’s relatives that we were not real close with.  Turns out I only went to one viewing.  Hubby attended more than that but I became the family babysitter for moms that didn’t want to take their kids to the funerals.  That was much easier.  I was stressing a lot about going.   I was proud of hubby for going without me.  He is quite anti-social and dreads these things too.

I know there is more I wanted to babble about….  I will add it later I guess as I remember.

Tomorrow I take 2 kiddos to the eye doctor and on Thursday Kid2 gets her braces on.  Anxiety about these appointments?  No… yea right!

G’night all!


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jane in the midwest
    Feb 20, 2013 @ 11:04:05

    My hubs has some anxiety issues and gave up a hard-core caffeine habit about two months ago. Do not underestimate the effects of the withdrawal!! For about two weeks he felt higher anxiety and all out of sorts…..quick temper, insomnia, etc. So know you aren’t crazy…..your brain is just adjusting to being chemical free. Now that his withdrawal is over he’s noticed is anxiety has really improved, but it’s not totally gone. So if you can stay off the coffee for good. Also watch out for hidden sources of caffeine….you can look it up on google….it’s in so many things you would never expect. I also gave up caffeine a month ago and notice I now feel much better in the morning (LESS exhausted, more tolerant, less anxiety). Good for you for giving up something so hard!

    I really feel for you for not getting a gift on Vday….I would have been devastated. I can’t understand why others wouldn’t take even a small bit of time to buy a simple gift (card, candy, flowers…..it wouldn’t have to be grand or anything). Of course being that “receiving gifts” is my primary language of love I would NEVER overlook it….but I guess it must be hard for others to understand how important it is. Hugs to you and yours….


  2. Jill
    Feb 21, 2013 @ 07:05:30

    Hey Zoe, did you do ok at the funerals?


  3. Zoe
    Feb 22, 2013 @ 09:00:49

    Thanks for the caffeine-free pep talk Jane – now I’m thinking I’ll slowly switch over to decaf tea. I hope it was just caffeine withdrawal that made me feel so crazy.
    Jill – It ended up that I only had to go to one viewing the whole weekend. I was already very subdued from the ativan I took that morning for a meeting I had to attend. The funeral home was not crowded at all and we were only there about half an hour. So, it went really well actually :) Thanks for asking!


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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