It’s Just Me.

Another article to read (link below)…  The comments are so sad.  It’s not that bad here yet but it’s not getting better either.  My sister suggested that hubby might be depressed.  I already thought about that when dealing with our other issues.  But now I wanted to look into it a bit more.  That’s how I happened upon this article.

Why Doesn’t My Husband Want to Make Love?

On a positive note, about 2 weeks ago I told hubby I thought he needed some happy pills.  He replied quite seriously that he might.  But then made it clear that there was no way he was actually going to go to the doctor.  I offered my Mindsoothe by from Native Remedies to him and also suggested St. Johns Wort.  His mom is very into herbal remedies for everything and always has been.  He gets interested in that too.  Thank God because that is the only reason he would even look at the bottle.  So he started taking it.  He told me yesterday that he stopped taking them because they constipated him.  (lol  TMI?)

I couldn’t really tell if he was happier when he took them.  That stuff takes a while to build up in your system.  I really hope he tries it again though and maybe just doesn’t take as much.  The instructions are that you take it like 3 times a day for the first week or two – and then change it to once a day.  I said he should try just one a day and see if that works better.

I asked him a few days ago why he never wants to have sex anymore?  I said “is something wrong – or is it just me? ”

He said “It’s just you.”

I was shocked.  He said it so calmly.  He had no  expression on his face at all, which made me think that could certainly not be what he meant right?  So I asked him what he meant.  He said that I was the only one that thought that.  He doesn’t feel that way.  He doesn’t feel like he never wants sex, we’re just busy people.  And he’s tired a lot.

So he meant that it’s just me who was thinking that, not that I am the reason he doesn’t want sex.  Whew.  Weird moment there.

I still didn’t really get an answer but the conversation was over so I let it go.  I would love for him to tell me what’s going on in his mind about this.  That’s not his style though.  He doesn’t talk feelings.  I’m having a hard time with this though cuz this is the man who used to drive me crazy because he wanted it so often.  Now that has pretty much completely stopped.  If I initiate, he sometimes says yes.  But usually he says he’s not in the mood or he’s tired or something.

I know he’s tired.  He’s working 3rd shift.  He tries to sleep during the day but never gets enough.  He’s being very picky about switching to a daylight position at work.  That just shows he really doesn’t want to change shifts. He doesn’t even sleep in the same room as me.  Maybe once a month or so on a weekend and only cuz I pout about it.

Have I ever told you I hate third shift?

I believe with all my heart that 3rd shift was the push that started our marriage down this long crazy spiral.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara
    Mar 03, 2013 @ 03:43:27

    Again, we are living parallel lives. I know my husband is depressed but he refuses to go to the doctor and DO NOT even mention medication.

    Reply

  2. rootstoblossom
    Mar 05, 2013 @ 09:16:06

    I was here a few years ago with my Hubby. About 7 years ago he was forced to work overnights, when I had a toddler and a baby to keep quiet so he could try to sleep each day. He was basically a zombie those years, no interest in anything, and disconnected from everyone. It was like it took all his strength and being to just go to work. We did find that black-out curtains helped him sleep during the day, somewhat. But then when he returned to day shift, the habits stuck, and we continued to be distant. He felt like he was not a part of me and the kids, being away for so long, and I always made him feel like he was doing everything wrong – I never showed any gratitude for him working long hours overnight – instead I would complain about all the housework and baby tasks. I know better now.

    But this conversation you had with your guy sounds like a really good start! Sounds like it was calm and no yelling? I remember the first time I had a calm conversation and was finally heard, it was about a year ago. And you’ve read about our ups and downs and healing separation. But I can honestly say I have my best friend back. Every day can’t be romantic and sexy, but every day I feel connected to him now, and can’t wait for him to come home so we can talk about our day together. And some evenings, when Hubby comes home with that zombie look, I offer for him to go take a nap and let me be in charge of dinner/homework/bathtime/bedtime. On those nights, he’ll sleep through dinner, and all night too, just catching up. And then he’s so grateful, and the next day he has all this energy to play with the kids, help me around the house and romance me too! BTW, St Johns wort upsets my tummy too. My guy likes v8 fusion juice with b vitamins, and green tea with ginseng to keep him going. I could never work the hours and intense physical labor my guy does to support us. I already nap nearly every day.

    Reply

  3. Helpmate in a shell
    Mar 18, 2013 @ 16:40:49

    Wow, as I read this I thought I was reading a blog written by myself. I am also trying desperately to save a marriage. There seems to be a disconnect in my husband at time That I cant get to the bottom of. As the disconnect grows and my search and ideas for help overlooked, I grow more withdrawn. If you reach out so many times and get nothing in return, it is very dishearting.

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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