Killing Ants Together

When it rains a lot we get ants in the kitchen.  Usually I just spray them with clorox cleanup or whatever cleaner I have under the sink and it kills them and they are gone after a few squirts.  This time they are more persistent.

And hubby saw them around the basement door too.  This led to a discussion about what I was spraying them with.  This time I’ve actually just been spraying them with 409.  I still have the bottle of clorox cleanup that I usually use but the sprayer is broken or something cuz it’s not squirting right.  I’ve refilled this bottle many times and I have heard before that squirt bottles that have bleach in them often wear out quickly – something about the potency of the bleach messing up the mechanics of the nozzle or something.  I have no idea if that is real or not.  I didn’t tell him all that about the clorox bottle, I just told him I was spraying the ants with 409.

Anyway, he wanted me to spray around the basement door too.  Instead I gave him a bottle of cleaner so he could do it.  Score one for me for passing it back to him, score one for him for not throwing a fit about it!  So he did that and later told me it didn’t work very well.  So then I told him how I usually use the clorox cleaner, but was using this instead because the other bottle wasn’t spraying right and blah blah blah.

Here’s the thing.

1 – Before, he would have first blamed me for the ants that were coming into the kitchen – not cleaning enough or something.  And then somehow the ants in the basement would have been my fault too.  Seriously.  He would have angrily let me know that it was all my fault.    That didn’t happen.  I was waiting for it, it never came.

2 – Before he would have been completely irritated again that the stuff I gave him to kill ants with didn’t work.  This would have been VERY upsetting to him cuz I made him look foolish – trying something that clearly didn’t work.  He would tell me to “use my head” or some other wonderful way of telling me he thinks I’m stupid.  That didn’t happen.

3 – He listened while I talked about the spray bottles and the different kinds of cleaners and all that.  He listened.  Before, I would not have been able to explain any of that to him.  He would have just been irritated and cut me off and refused to listen. He would have barked out some rude comments and told me I was on my own with the ants.  But he just listened.  I was trying to quickly say what I wanted to say because he always cuts me off when I’m talking and he is irritated about something.  It realllllyyyy struck me tonight that I was able to finish what I was saying.  I actually got to explain the whole thing without him jumping down my throat.  He just listened and then we had some sort of discussion about it and we moved on.

This whole stupid thing – this story about killing ants with cleaning products – is very trivial isn’t it?  But yet it’s not!  I felt so so happy that I was able to actually say what I wanted to say without him degrading me.  Without him cutting me off with more rude comments.  Without him just walking away while I was talking.  I was able to completely voice my thoughts about the situation!  All of my thoughts!  I didn’t walk away feeling frustrated and misunderstood and like I just wanted to scream the rest of what I was trying to say to him.

That right there is progress folks.  Indeed.

(I know there are actual ant killing sprays and traps and all that.  We do use those sometimes.  This actually works well though and is quick and easy.)


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Judi
    Apr 22, 2013 @ 13:06:29

    Awesome! So glad he is doing better. :)
    Mine has been better lately too. Maybe spring is effecting them? LOL
    (isn’t not being heard the most frustrating form of subtle abuse!?!??)


  2. Zoe
    Apr 22, 2013 @ 14:12:34

    It is! I’m so glad you know what I mean.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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