April & May = Return on The Panic Monster

Last week Kid3 brought home the dreaded end-of-year school schedule.  I read it, hated it, and put it aside.  Usually events go directly on the calendar, or at least the paper gets hung on the bulletin board at our mail desk.  I didn’t do either of those things.  I put it on a pile on the counter.  Take that!  lol

It included the musical in the hot hot gym with the huge bleachers.  It included track & field day that is sometimes held in that same hot hot gym when it rains.  It listed all the dates/times for each grades awards assemblies.  There had to be more but I can’t think of what right now and I have not rescued that paper from the counter pile yet.

Baseball games start this week.  Last night were team pictures.  Games this week are tonight, Friday and Saturday.  It is mandatory that each family sign up to work the concession stand for at least 2 games.  (I actually enjoyed that last year so this is one thing that I’m not worried about – yay! ) Here we go.  But we do need to travel a good bit for these games, which brings to mind my panic attack on the way to one of the games last year :(

Kid2 is in the high honors program and was invited to the national honor society banquet that is on Thursday.  The band serves at this banquet as a fund-raiser so Kid1 helped last year.  When we dropped her off last year, we saw all the dressed up people waiting outside on the sidewalk, waiting to get in.  It was HOT that day.  We saw them and immediately pitied them because they were going to be sweating to death in the school cafeteria for the next 2 hours.  So when Kid1 was invited she apparently remembered that and immediately said there was no way she was going.  She talked to a few of her friends and most weren’t going and that sealed the deal.  This is something I did when I was in school.  I attended these every year with my mom.  It was a big deal.  I was shy and kinda hated it but I was also proud to be recognized so I wonder if I should make her go.  Hubby has already refused to go so I would be on my own and Kid2 is fighting me on it.  Pick your battles right?  Why force her to do something she is determined not to do – and give myself more to stress about?   So she won.  Cross that off the list.

My niece is graduating this year so that is a big event with more little events to attend.  PRAY for nice weather so that is not moved inside into the gym!  If the weather is good, this is held outside at the football field in the big old awesome bleachers.  Deep breath.  (I’m putting these links in here more for me that for you guys actually!  I need to go re-read and see how far I’ve come and get my confidence up!)

Kid3’s class trip is a bus trip to the zoo – he wants me to chaperone.  Teachers have not asked for chaperones, which probably means they already have enough, so I may get out of that.  I don’t know that I really want to get out of that.  It would be fun to go and share that with him, but it would be less stressful if it just got crossed off my list.

I decided not to go to Alabama with my mom & sister so I get to cross that anxiety off my list too.  That is a huge relief – that’s a whole other story but basically we’d be visiting family in Alabama, this family lives & breathes their whole lives at their mega-church.  That of course means that is where we would be a good bit of the time.  Ummm no.  I can’t even get myself to go to a little country church in my own town. The Panic Monster was all over that trip!  (Sad that that is a reason to not visit relatives, I know.)

Here we go.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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