End Of School Events – Anxiety!

It’s the end of the school year and anyone whose been here a while knows that this is THE worst time of year for me.  Too many panic attacks over the past few years have made the end of year events a nightmare for me :(

I am doing better than ever.  I will say that.  I haven’t had a panic attack yet.  knock on wood.  I am still having anxiety – big anxiety about the events.  The anxiety is stressing me out but so far I have avoided the meltdown and panic attack in anticipation of the panic attacks that I’m sure are coming.  That is progress.  :)

Tonight is the band concert.  Tomorrow is track & field.  Tomorrow night I work in the concession stand at the baseball field.  Then there are award assemblies, etc.  And my niece is graduating so that means sitting in those big bleachers at the football field for that. God willing.  Truly I would prefer that over the alternative.  The alternative is everyone stuffing into the gym because it is raining.  It would be more crowded than the musicals ever were. Sigh.  That is the only event so far that I am already thinking up good reasons why I can’t make it. Ha.  You know what I mean.  Oh.  And the baccalaureate.  I won’t be attending that either. Nope.  No way.

I actually took the day off work today because I needed to sort all this out in my mind.  (Think of last year though when I had a meltdown, took an ativan and slept the day away on the couch.  See?  Better.)  Piles of paper, events that hadn’t made it to the calendar yet, permission slips, order forms, etc… All these were scattered about and I needed to get a handle on it!  I was feeling out of control and I took today off to try to organize and prepare.

I had a slow start.  Hubby didn’t go to bed right away when he got home.  He kept gabbing at me.  I didn’t tell him I wasn’t working today cuz there is always somewhere he wants to go.  He would say we should go somewhere – truck shopping or somewhere since I was off.  I didn’t want to.  And I didn’t want to deal with him pouting because I had other plans for the day.  Plans that he would judge.  So I kept it to myself and tried to say very little when I replied to him so he would get bored and be done talking!  LOL

So mainly what I got done so far is I cleared the counter of all the paper piles and put things where they go – put events on the calendar, filled out forms and wrote checks for yearbooks and band shoes and fundraisers. I called the insurance company and 2 different doctors to schedule appointments.  I called the consignment shop to set up an appointment that I’ve been meaning to make for a month!

I feel like I accomplished so much – even though it was just stuff I should have already had done! I wish I was one of those people that are always motivated and energetic!

Well I don’t want to get sidetracked.  I need to go plan when to take my ativan so its in high gear at the band concert tonight.  Gonna be HOT in there which just makes it worse but I plan to sit as close to the fan as I can, even if it does blow my hair up in the air the whole time :)  I’d rather be sane than pretty.  LOL


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    May 17, 2013 @ 05:57:20

    Preparing beforehand is key Zoe. You have a lot going on and getting it all sorted out in your head will help ground you.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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