Panic Attacks: HIgh School Band Concert

We went to the band concert tonight.  Ativan included.   Hubby came too.  It was hot in there but not too bad.  The big fans helped.  Grammy and Pappy came too.  (Hubby’s parents)  They are such awesome grandparents and I feel blessed to have them in our lives.

Hubby came, hubby smiled for a picture.  Hubby didn’t yell at anyone.  Hallelujah.

I had a panic attack.. Yes I did.  :(

It wasn’t a huge one but it was definitely a panic attack.  It was during a duet that 2 girls were singing at the piano.  One of the girls was really messing up and I felt so bad for her.  I really felt it – I got nervous for her I think – which made me uncomfortable and wow.  I started sweating,  The room started spinning.  My face felt hot.  I tried my usual distractions – playing with my camera, writing in my notebook etc.  It wasn’t working.  I gathered my things together and picked up my purse.  My plan was to leave the room.  I wanted to stick it out but didn’t want to pass out there and cause a scene.  So I was leaning way forward in  my chair, with my head down, pretending to look for something in my purse.  I got out my notebook and started writing but I was shaking so bad I couldn’t even write.  It took everything I had to not leave the room.  I figured I’d stick it out until the last possible moment.  The minute I started seeing black spots and felt like passing out was going to happen quickly, I was going to jump up and leave then.

Man I was sweating.  And the way I was fidgeting in my chair probably had people wondering what the heck my problem was!

I was SO happy when it was over and thrilled that I made it through.  I really wanted to be able to stick it out.  That makes me stronger every time I fight through one.  Letting the panic monster win always sets you back a few steps and I did NOT want that!

So, the chorus part of the evening was over, the band got set up, played a few songs and it was over.  Awesome.  And one more notch in my belt for the win in my battle against panic attacks.  That makes it a pretty good night I guess doesn’t it?

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara
    May 17, 2013 @ 02:23:09

    Sticking it out is next to impossible so I am sending you a high 5!

    Reply

  2. Jill
    May 17, 2013 @ 06:00:02

    I wish i could give you a big hug. you did so well hon. for what it’s worth, I would bet 20 bucks you weren’t the only person at that concert with anxiety. Onwards and upwards…(((hugs)))

    Reply

  3. Zoe
    May 17, 2013 @ 09:56:03

    Thanks guys.
    I see that I wrote last night that it wasn’t a huge panic attack. Don’t know what I was thinking. Ha. It seemed really huge and reading about it again this morning was even horrible. I found myself holding my breath while reading it! Argh. So I take it back… I had a huge panic attack at the concert last night…. Boo :(

    That’s alright though – one step closer to the end of school and these events!!

    It always feels like I am the only crazy one at these things Jill! I’ll bet you are right tho. I’d love to know who else was feeling that way, I really would!

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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