It’s Better, but It’s the Same.

The Improvement:

Hubby rear-ended a car on his way home from work today.  I guess the car in front of him started to pull out, but then stopped, hubby was looking for traffic and trying to pull out too, assumed she went, she didn’t and he hit her.  I guess he hit her pretty hard cuz he said his head hit the visor and his hat flew off.  Nothing major but a significant bump.

He was embarrassed to tell me.  He waited until the kids left for school cuz he doesn’t want them to know.  I disagree with that because I think kids should know that their parents aren’t perfect and we make mistakes too.  And we need to show them how to handle things like this.  I won’t tell them though, its his deal and I’ll bet he ends up telling them anyway cuz the man loves to hear himself talk.  Anyway….

The good part of this was – I text  him this morning and asked him to stop at Wendy’s and get side salads.  Kid1 wants to take them to school for lunch the next 2 days.  The reason he was on that road was because of this.  In the past, HE WOULD HAVE BLAMED ME.  I am not kidding.  There is no doubt.  First he would have been angry at me and not told me why he was treating me like crap and then eventually he would let me know that I was the reason the whole thing happened – because he was doing something that I asked him to do.

This is such HUGE progress you have no idea.  He was humbled. He took responsibility and NOT ONCE did he insinuate that it was my fault at all.

Same Old, Same Old:

Sunday night Kid3 and I went into the living room to watch part of the Survivor finale.  Hubby came in and turned on the ceiling fan cuz he was hot.  A few minutes later he left the room and I heard him go outside.  A few minutes passed.  I was cold and turned the fan off.  About 5 minutes later, hubby came back into the room.  He stopped right by the door and asked if I had shut off the fan.  I said yes.  He glared at me.

He turned around, went to the basement, turned on the TV and watched Survivor down there by himself.

Yep.

I just said Yes.  I didn’t offer a big explanation, or defend my decision to turn off the fan.  I’m done explaining – it doesn’t matter anyway and usually just gives him more ammunition.  And I wasn’t sassy or rude about it at all.  I would not have had a problem turning it back on for him since he was back and he was hot.  That never came up though because he stomped away like a two year old.

I know that sounds like a stupid little thing that I am getting upset about.  It’s not.  It is ridiculous.  It is soooo frustrating to live in a home where you never know what will set him off next.

So let me get this straight… Kid3 and I are in the living room.  The ceiling fan is on.  We are cold.  We should leave it on anyway just in case hubby decides to come back?  (Hubby often goes outside – to the garage or whatever – for hours on end without telling me.  I really had no idea if he was coming back or not.)

I later posed that question to him.  He denied being mad and said that wasn’t why he went to the basement.  I call bullshit.

Just the other day he was in the living room watching the news after supper and I went in and sat on the couch and folded laundry.  I turned on the light cuz it was dark in there.  And he did the same thing.  He left and went to the basement to watch the news.  After a few minutes I followed him and asked him what was up.  He said “You turned on the light.”  I said “You have the light on down here.”  Again I called bullshit and he had no response.

Ridiculous.

Trust me – I don’t follow the man around all day.  And he is usually the one giving me heck for watching tv in the dark cuz its not good for your eyes, blah blah blah.  He has NEVER had a problem with the lights before that.  It has never been an issue.

I don’t get it.  I really don’t think it is just that he is trying to avoid me.  Like I am bugging him and that is his out – to get mad at me and go to another room.  The man drives me crazy gabbing at me every morning while I’m trying to work.  I feel like he follows ME around all day actually.  It’s just that I did these things that he didn’t want done and his response is stupid.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. rootstoblossom
    May 20, 2013 @ 13:16:52

    I do see progress in this, less blaming of you by BOTH of you. Yay for progress! My hubby used to do similar things often, I called them ‘hit and run’ stupidity. Make stupid comment and quickly go to another room, not waiting for conversation, leaving you there wondering if he’s mad and if you were somehow inconsiderate. I don’t think they do this intentionally, just some strange coping mechanism for something when they’re stressed and don’t even know it – assuming your guy is mostly unaware of his own feelings most of the time, not self-analyzing like we do constantly.

    Reply

  2. Zoe
    Jul 13, 2013 @ 00:05:15

    ‘hit and run’ stupidity. I love this because it describes it perfectly. I’ve been using this phrase ever since you typed it here. Mostly I just say in in my head, not out loud, but it’s still awesome. :)

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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