I’ve really been down the past few days and can’t seem to shake it.

Overwhelmed.  That is the perfect word to describe how I feel.  I keep reminding myself how good I actually have it and I am well aware that there are many people in much worse circumstances.  I know that.  It doesn’t change the fact that I am stressed out!

Bills, stuff everywhere, kids and their friends and their schedules, my job that I am behind on, hubby still working 3rd which I still hate, home improvement stuff that really needs to be done.  Even if I can get hubby to cooperate and not spend $ on tractors, it will still be a while before we dig ourselves out of this hole and can spend money on stuff around the house.

I do think hubby heard me this time.  I had a meltdown after I typed all that out the other day.  He knows.  He put an ad online to sell one of his tractors already.  That’s great but he might get a few hundred for it, that’s not gonna make up for the few thousand that we need.  Yes, it will definitely help though.

Then hubby’s Dad brought us a load of shale for the driveway cuz hubby told him a while ago that we needed it and asked him to get it when he had time.  Guess he had time.  Rocks aren’t cheap.

And kid2 needs new basketball shoes.  And kid3’s leggings from his catcher’s gear are falling apart and we’ve got another month of baseball to get through.   Those things arent cheap either.

Today is 4th of July and I’ve been working most of the day.  Kids are staying busy outside and hubby is sleeping.  Our family picnic isn’t until this evening. The day looks like a good one to everyone else I guess.  But I am still on edge and wishing I was back in bed under my covers.

I am blessed.  I know I am.  I am also stressed out.

And how do I become one of those people with endless energy?  Seriously!  That’s not fair is it?  Is it just their metabolism?  What is it and how can I get it??

The worst part about my whining is that these problems are all our own doing.  Hubby spent too much and got us in this hole.  I don’t manage my time as well as I should and I am behind on work and house stuff.

My BFF is having a hard time with her hubby right now.  He is just being a jerk in general but she is dealing with that and also working overtime hours.  We haven’t been able to get together for our power walks in over a month.  I’m sure that would help!  We’ve always said that is our therapy.

Lately I just feel lazy.  Being overwhelmed makes me want to sit on the couch and watch TV.  That of course makes the problem worse.  What an icky cycle.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jameelah sadina
    Jul 05, 2013 @ 00:46:52

    hi i have been following your blog for a while now and just wanted to reach out and tell you that i admire how much of a strong caring loving mother you are and how you manage to keep your cool especially on the situations that you come into contact with and you dont over react or throw a fit you are a great mother and its comforting to see that other mothers stress out but still manage to keep a smile and breeze through it i feel you on the stress factor i have 6 kids and its chaotic everday and unpredictable but i do adore how @the end of the day when my kids are asleep i stand there when i tuck them n and think i am so blessed to be the mother of all these lil rugrats i just want to end this with saying thank you and tell u that i appreciate reading your blog you are a wonderful strong mommy


  2. Judi
    Jul 05, 2013 @ 10:13:09

    Icky cycle is right!! I am pretty much stuck in that icky cycle too. I told George i don’t want to get up in the morning. he says “but you do”…Well darnit do i have a choice? There is SOOOO much to do and so many people depending on me. I feel like life is so heavy and mostly no one helps me ever. ….or even seems to care :(

    talking with an understanding friend is such good therapy…I hope you and your BFF can get back to walking. I know that would help a bunch. Make it a higher priority it might help more than you expect!!

    My running/therapy buddy finally had her baby…..I hope soon we can get back to our weekly runs and talks. I sure do miss them.


  3. Zoe
    Jul 05, 2013 @ 11:06:46

    Thanks jameelah. :)
    Judi – I like George. I think he should start blogging and counsel all of us here in blog world!


  4. Judi
    Jul 05, 2013 @ 11:09:34

    George IS pretty awesome!


  5. Judi
    Jul 05, 2013 @ 11:10:13

    I wish he could just follow me around all day and help me think straight!


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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