I know there is no real “normal” but I still want to be normal.

You will never know how BADLY I want to just be normal.

My nerves are shot.  I don’t know how to stop this anxiety.  I don’t want to have to be medicated the rest of m life just so I can be normal.

I AM SO SICK OF IT!

Yesterday I had a meeting (yuk) at Panera (Yum!) with a new client.

Yesterday I got a haircut.

Tonight is Kid’2 first basketball game in the big gym.

Tonight is Kid1’s first volleyball game in the big gym, right after Kid2’s game.

On the upside, I’m going to get a LOT of exposure therapy in that gym tonight.

Down side, I feel insane and of course family members will be there to support my girls (yay) and watch me crumble (boo).

Today isnt fun and I hate it.

It ticks me off.

Dear God,   Thank you for ativan today.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. rainonmeinbc
    Sep 06, 2013 @ 01:48:38

    All i can say is you are not alone on the exposure therapy at the basketball game. I would hate that. Bring earplugs. It helps a bit.

    Reply

  2. Jill
    Sep 06, 2013 @ 06:53:56

    That’s a lot of triggers all at once. You *are* normal Zoe, you are just highly sensitized. You have so many triumphs, this is just a lot of events all balled up into one. Hang in there, I’m rooting for you! :)

    Reply

  3. Zoe
    Sep 09, 2013 @ 11:54:36

    Ear plugs! hmmm… Thanks for the idea…. thinking I will have to wear my hair down so ppl dont see them. lol
    Thanks Jill. I made it. :)

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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