A Whole Week

Thursday – Thursday were good days in our relationship.

(A whole week!  woo hoo!  I am mocking myself.)

We got along very well.  Maybe even great.  He took off work Thursday night and we actually slept in the same bed for 3 nights in a row.  I smiled a lot.  And so did he.

On Tuesday when we were leaving the house to go to kid2’s basketball game, he went out to the car through the basement door without even telling me he was ready to go.  I was upstairs waiting for him.  I didn’t know he went out until I wondered what was taking him so long and went to check on him.  It was time to leave and he hates to be late so I knew something was up.  He wasn’t there.  He was already outside, sitting in the car with it running.

He has done this many times before and I hate it.  I very nicely asked him to please tell me when he is ready and going out to the car.  He said “I figured you’d come out when you were ready, it’s not like I was sitting her revving the engine or anything. I wasn’t mad.”  I told him I had been ready for a while and was sitting there waiting for him.  Please just holler up the steps to let me know you are going out.  I don’t remember if he said OK or not but it was an OK conversation.  He didn’t get irritated and seemed to get my point.

Well.  Last night (Friday) we were getting ready to go to the football game and he did it again.  I was seriously just sitting at the kitchen table playing candy crush while I was waiting for him to be ready.  I heard the basement door this time.  Man, it pissed me off.  I didn’t get up right away.  I considered sitting there until he finally came looking for me.  Afterall, I didn’t know he was ready did I?  I waited a few minutes and calmed myself and then went out.  He had his window down and as I walked towards the car I said “Really?!  Will you please just tell me before you go out?”

I didn’t yell.  And yes I even smiled, like I was frustrated but it was OK and I was making a joke of it.   He didn’t say anything.  Kid3 was laughing.  I went around to get in the passenger side and he said something to kid3 that made him laugh even more.  I said what?  He said nothing.  At that point it still seemed ok.  The mood was still light and he was smiling and I kinda wondered if he just did it again to pick on me?  Whatever.

So we went to pick up my nephew and on the way there – like a 2 minute drive – it all changed.  He wouldn’t talk to me.  He didn’t answer kid3 when he tried to talk to him either.  A chill swept through the van for sure!  I asked him if he knew who we were playing that night.  He ignored me.  I asked him again and didn’t let him off the hook.  He finally said he didn’t know. (Which was not true, he was just trying no to talk to me. )  We picked up my nephew.  Hubby stared straight ahead with no expression on his face and I wanted to throw up.  He drove back past our house and I wanted to scream “Let me out!” cuz I really didn’t want to deal with his crap all night.  But I didn’t.  This is the last home game.  Our girls are in the band.  I wanted to go for them and I wasn’t gonna let him be the reason I wasn’t there supporting my kids.

So I pretended I didn’t know he was having a problem.  ha.  I gabbed with the kids, I talked to him even tho he wasn’t replying.  He did talk when we were looking for a parking space and having trouble finding one.  Then as we were walking to the football field, a friend of his (who he cant stand) saw us and walked with us and gabbed hubby’s ear off.  I was laughing hysterically inside cuz he really cannot stand this guy.  That kinda broke the ice I guess.

Probably the whole first half of the game was awkward though.  It’s like I was there with the kids, and he was there with the kids, but we were not there together.  Later in the evening when the kids ran off to hang out with friends, he started talking to me kinda normally again.


Around 11:30, I was ready for bed and said goodnight to everyone – they were all watching baseball in the living room.  I told him I’d turn the heating blanket on for him.  He very decidedly said no.  I said why?  He said – I won’t need it on tonight.  I knew this meant that he would not be sleeping with me that night.

And I was right.

When I woke up this morning I was pissed that he never came to bed.  I knew he wasn’t going to , but I guess I was hoping he would anyway.  That is childish and sucky.

When I came downstairs he was eating breakfast.  I said good morning and he actually replied so I asked him why he didn’t sleep with me last night.  His face got hard and he shrugged his shoulders.  He was instantly pissed off.  I said “Are you seriously mad that I just asked you that?”  (I promise I was not mean the way I said it!)   He said “Well why would you ask that?  I don’t want to feel like I’m in trouble ALREADY today.”)

Inside I’m yelling “Well I didn’t want to feel rejected again last night either!”

So I went back upstairs to get dressed.  He and kid3 were going to a sale or somewhere this morning with his dad.  He left the house quickly, before I even came back down.  Nice.

So friggin nice.

Last Friday night, the kids were all somewhere else so we ran around together.  We did a little shopping, ate some ice cream, just hung out.  We talked about how it’s been a long time since just the 2 of us hung out and that it was nice.   We slept in the same bed.  We loved each other.   I felt loved.

And this is the cycle of our relationship.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Fern
    Oct 23, 2013 @ 10:01:36

    Someday these stupid, illogical shenanigans will eventually squeeze your heart dead and dry….


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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