These people are not cooperating.

If I was a person that said the F word, I would be saying “F these people!” right now.

Of course I get myself all geared up and want to go conquer my panic attacks and I can’t get anyone to cooperate!

No, they have no idea that is the real agenda.  They just don’t want to go to a college volleyball game.  We all like watching volleyball, Kid1 even plays on the high school team!  Whats the problem people?!

My kids were like nah…..  I was going to just tell them they were going and that was that except the high school powder puff game is Friday night too and they want to go watch their friends play that and blah blah blah.

I asked hubby if he wanted to go and he said “not really..  ”  It was a guilty -looking no,  like he felt like he should say yes but didn’t really want to.

I asked my sisters.  One said no cuz her daughter is participating in her first ever craft show Saturday morning and she thinks they will be scrambling Friday night to get everything together.  My other sister is going away for the weekend with a church group.

Boo hiss!

I asked my BFF.  She didn’t answer yet but I know she won’t want to go.  Her hubby works away all week and weekends are their family time.

How about I go by myself?  I could do that!  Right now I really think I might!

When it comes down to it though…. we’ll see.  It easier to stay home.  lol

They don’t have to want to go of course but it makes me mad.  I like geocaching.  Last weekend my girls went with me just cuz I dint give them a choice.  I should have known better.  Blasted teenagers just complained the whole time and we came back before we even got to the location.  Argh.  Hubby wont do that with me.  He says it’s stupid.  I don’t care if he thinks its stupid.  He should do it just cuz I like it!  I go sleep out and freeze my butt off and gawk at tractors for entire weekends!  You’d think he could hike in the woods with me for an hour!  Argh.

More and more I’ve been noticing that I don’t do the things I want to do cuz no one else wants to do them.  I guess I need some new friends.

Makes me mad cuz I do stuff I’m not thrilled to do all the time!  I do it for them!  It would be nice if they returned the favor.

So yea… F these people.

Truly, I might be able to talk hubby into going – cuz he wasn’t dead set against it, he just would rather not.  LOL

We’ll see.  I can actually picture me going by myself though.  I could do that!

I need go sit in that crowded gym in those huge bleachers and win.  I need to do that for me.  It’s time to up the ante.

I would be so freakin proud of myself if I went by myself.  Oh my!  And can you imagine hubby?  He would be quite perplexed.  Ha!  Love the idea!  Now I kinda hope he refuses to go so I can do that!  Just to shock him!  It’s about an hour away and it’s something people don’t normally go to themselves.   But what the hell.  How many volleyball games have I sat through all by myself in town here?  Hubby always left after the JV game as soon as kid1 was done playing.  I sat there often by myself for the next 1 1/2 hours while varsity played.  I could be like what? I wanted to go… you people all suck…. so I went myself!

Oh my.  I’m telling you I barely slept at all last night.  I have no idea why but it was like I had a jolt of caffeine right before I laid down or something.  I felt like i was awake all night.  And reading back over this post….. ha.  I sound nuts.  I think I need to go to bed.

G’night all!

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sofia Leo
    Nov 04, 2013 @ 22:23:02

    Go by yourself! Think of the victory! And you wouldn’t have to share the credit with anyone. Have a big drink and popcorn if they have it and enjoy yourself :-)


  2. Barbara
    Nov 04, 2013 @ 22:57:18

    I also think you should just go. It will make you feel so liberated!


  3. Jill
    Nov 05, 2013 @ 05:54:17

    What they said ^^. Once I got out there and learned to do things alone, it really helped me with self confidence (This might sound weird but I can even go out to dinner and to the movies by myself.)

    Start small… you can do it!! :-)


  4. Fern
    Nov 05, 2013 @ 12:04:16

    Yep. I’ve found it truly liberating to become more self-reliant in that way. With an oppositional-type spouse of 20+ years, who pretty much puts the kibosh on any idea I might happen to have, simply because it’s MY idea, I’ve learned over the years to just be my own best company. And, even more importantly, to actually like it. Certainly beats missing out on the things I enjoying doing — or worse, dragging along (if he would actually agree to go in the first place — not likely) the complaining husband who will make certain to ruin the outing for me, by either kvetching, or acting SO thoroughly disinterested and above it all (and who will then seek to find a way to passive-aggressively retaliate later for good measure). Who needs that??? Not me! And so I just go it alone, independently AND happily…. :-)


  5. imnotyourfavoritepossession
    Nov 06, 2013 @ 14:56:12

    I thought this post was a hoot, not nuts at all. Or maybe I just enjoy nuts!

    I understand the feeling all too well. I deal with anxiety and panic attacks, too. I hope you find the support you need.


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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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