Busy Update :)

Hi.  Busy, busy.  Updated Needed.  Here we go.

Let’s see…

Volleyball game?  I didn’t go.  I regret it but I don’t.  The whole family decided to go to the powderpuff football game in town.  Turned out differently of course though.  Found out about an hour before time to leave that Kid1 skipped school that day!  So she was grounded and angry that she got busted.  Hubby decided he didn’t feel like going.  Of course.  Kid3 was happy to play with tractors with his dad.  I took Kid2 to the game, looked for my BFF, didn’t find her, left and picked Kid2 up when it was over.

I was mad that I changed my mind about the volleyball game with the idea that we would all actually go to the powderpuff game and then hubby backed out. It was his idea in the first place.  I was mad and hurt and felt single.  There are SO many things I do alone that a lot of couples do together and I had a little pity party.  And then I was mad at myself for not sticking to my original plan and just going to the volleyball game.

Later I was glad I didn’t go to the volleyball game though.  They had a segment on the news about it.  The vball team is undefeated,.  Apparently this game was the game that would determine if they got to go to championships.  It was a huge deal.  It sold out.  The band was there for a pre-game pep rally, etc etc.  Agh.  I would have freaked with all that going on.  Ha.  I just wanted to go try out a normal game and see if I could get through it without a panic attack.  So then I was glad I didn’t go.

What else?

Parent Teacher Conferences.   I went.  Hubby went with me.  2 strategically timed ativan in me = no panic attack this time.  Good. done.

Parent Visitation Day was yesterday.  Again, 2 strategically timed ativan helped me.  I went, enjoyed myself, felt normal.  I had been thinking about not going this year.  He’s growing up of course and he’s starting to do the thing where its not cool to hang out with your mom anymore.  That makes me sad but honestly I thought it might get me out of anymore parent visitation days!  That makes me sad too cuz he is my baby and is growing up too fast too…. but you get what I mean.  Tuesday night he was saying his prayers before bed and he thanked God that I got to come to school the next day with him.  OK then…. guess I’m going.  Ha!  It was sweet and I’m glad he wanted me there.  And I’m glad I went.  And it was seriously fine and fun and I’m thrilled to report that there was no panic attack in site.

The Play It’s tonight!  (Help!) Again, I will take the ativan and I will go and I will have fun.  That is the plan.

Lots of events this time of year.  This means I better call for an ativan refill.  Sigh.  I hate that I depend on it.  But I love that it works and helps me get out there in the world and do stuff and enjoy my time with my kids.

Yes, I’d love to figure out how to do all this stuff again without it.  But you know what?  Time goes so fast.  They are growing up so fast and I don’t want to be a basket case that misses their childhood – or that messes up their childhood!

Well this was a random type of post.  Ha!  I have to work like a manic at warp speed now.

Wish me luck tonight!  Have a good day everyone!

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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