Off Wellbutrin to Try Anti-Depressant?

So after all that happened with the Wellbutrin, I want off of it!  Once I figured out that it contributed to my freak out I started weaning myself off of it immediately!  I have reduced my dose significantly and feel so much calmer overall.

I also have been taking Bright Spark from NativeRemedies.com and think it works wonderfully for concentration and focus.  I seriously feel happier!  I dont know if it is because of reducing the wellbutrin.  Or taking Bright spark (take this occasionally, not every day so I don’t know…)  Or maybe I’m just happier because my marriage is pretty great right now.

Don’t get me wrong, Wellbutrin did help me for a while.  The reason I chose to start taking it was because of this comment I read on a forum:

“The wellbutrin gets rid of the obsessive thoughts I have about my anxiety and panic attacks and I take the ativan when I am having an actual panic attack.”

And it really did help with that.

The problem is that I am still struggling so much to do everyday things.  I am so tired of having to work so hard to do normal things.  And I’m sick of missing out on life.

I was on Paxil for post-partum depression after kid3.  Paxil is a wonderful drug!  It helped me so much and not only helped with the depression, but helped in many other ways as well.  It basically erased my shyness.  That’s the way I described it at the time.  This was way before panic attacks had entered my life.  I have always been shy and hated being the center of attention, or giving speeches etc.  I’ve done those things – just didn’t like to.

Now – I have trouble sitting in the bleachers watching my kids play volleyball.  Then – I was on the volleyball team playing in front of everyone!

Now – bleachers at football games suck!  Then – I was in the band marching around on the field in front of everyone!

Now – Do not even ask me to get up and talk in front of a group.  Then – not only did I give oral reports etc at school, but I gave a speech at graduation!  In the same gym that I have trouble sitting in!  That gym was packed for graduation with some people having to stand.  And I stood in front of all those people and gave a speech!  Now I wont even go into that gym unless I’ve taken ativan and can get a seat near the door.  Ugh.  What the hell happened to me?  And why?!

Anyway… Paxil cured me of that.  I even hosted a wedding shower for my sister and was bossy and in charge of the games and gave a sweet little talk about my sister – in front of all those people.  I didnt know a lot of them either.  And then I stood up in her wedding as maid of honor – in all my fat glory.  Ugh.  I hate all pictures that I am in from that wedding! When my other sister got married before that I refused to be in it and was guest book attendant instead.  Heck even for my own wedding, we had a “destination wedding” with 4 other people there – cuz I didn’t want to be the center of all that attention!

Paxil worked wonders for me and I remember thinking that this must be how everyone else feels.  I felt normal for once.

The problem with paxil though is that I gained 40 pounds.  yes – 40!  And Paxil withdrawal is no picnic.  That is putting it mildly.  So I don’t really want to go back on Paxil.

I want something that works just like paxil but without the weight gain.  I doubt that exists.  I’ve googled so many different medications and it seems all anti-depressants have possible weight gain as a side effect.

I’ve decided I want to try an anti-depressant again though anyway.  Just remembering how I felt when I was on Paxil makes me think it might really help me.  I want to get on with living!  And I’m hoping that other meds are as likely to result in weight gain as Paxil is.  And I know to look out for that side effect now so maybe I’ll be able to keep it under control if it does become an issue.

(Of course I’ve just set a new weight loss goal for myself too – 10 pounds by April 30th – just in time for our 20th anniversary!)

This post was a lot of babbling I know.  I’m trying to figure this out.  I go to the doctor on Wednesday and am going to talk to her about all this.  I’d also like to try xanax instead of ativan since it works faster – that should help with having to plan ahead so much – to be sure to take it in time for whatever event is gonna stress me out next.

But then I love my dear ativan.  I need a refill on that and am wondering if they will do both – refill ativan and a new RX for xanax at the same time.  They may not.  I want my ativan still – it is like my security blanket!

See, I have no idea what will happen but I’d like to have an idea about what I want before I go in there on Wednesday!

G’night.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Birdie
    Feb 18, 2014 @ 01:09:00

    I am now on Zoloft and it is apparently weight neutral.

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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