Done with Wellbutrin, Starting Celexa

Yesterday I took the last wellbutrin pill that I plan to take.

I’ve been weaning off of those ever since my big driving panic attack that I am convinced they triggered.    On Friday my doctor agreed that I needed something different.  Not sure the wellbutrin had been helping much before that anyway and I have been taking ativan almost daily so thats not good.  That is not the purpose of my ativan.  It’s just supposed to help me as needed, and I’m not supposed to need it every day!

Part of me wants to just wait it out and see how I do without any medication in my system.  I hate that medication has become normal for me.

But then kid2 asked me to take her and 3 friends to the mall this weekend to shop for dresses for the spring formal.  Just the thought of driving them there made me want to start popping ativan!

Last night I drove to kid3’s playoff basketball game – my kids and kid2’s BFF – and it was HARD.  I did it cuz hubby didn’t go to the game but it wasn’t fun at all.  I had a little episode on the way there and slowed way down, expecting to pull over, but kept fighting and and got through it and kept going.  Amazing to me that kids don’t notice.  Ha.  They were gabbing and picking on each other and fighting and all that they do and were oblivious to what was going on up front.  Ha.  Even Kid1 who sat in the front passenger seat.  She had her headphones on and her head laid back and was in her own world.  I’m glad she was.

Anyway…. the thought of drivign them to the mall should not freak me out.  And that is ridiculous.

So I decided I would start the Celexa  (Citalopram) today.   I haven’t done it yet though.  I keep putting it off.  I’m starting with half a pill and its unlikely to have any side effects immediately but I was reading online about how one of the beginning side effects is dizziness and I am afraid of that I guess.  And I really don’t want to have to deal with that and have to be in charge of my kids…. I don’t know.  Then what if I take it now – almost bedtime and it keeps me awake tonight?  I have a conference call tomorrow with the Maybe Millionaires and I need to be completely focused and ready for that.  I cant be all sleep deprived and foggy!  Aggh.    Yes, this is just me babbling whats happening in my head right now.  Ha.

OK.  I’m going to take it now.  If not now, when?  I am praying this will help.  The plan is for this to help me overcome a lot of my social anxiety and get strong and confident and do all the things that I need to do and that I want to do!  Then I will wean off off this medication too and be forever fixed.  Yep, that’s right.  I didn’t use to have panic attacks.  And I don’t plan to have them for the rest of my life either.  :D

Here we go.  Celexa:  Day 1

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  1. Trackback: Purge 2 | Movie Sweet

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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