Celexa Journey: Day 1

Day 1: 3/5/14

Took half pill around 8pm.  Was worried that it would make me dizzy or keep me awake or who knows.  Have read way too much about side effects etc.  Didn’t notice anything and was grateful.  Went to bed about 11:30.  Woke up at midnight – right on the dot.  I even wondered if my alarm had gone off or something cuz it seemed so strange.  I was WIDE AWAKE.   I refused to get up though because I needed to sleep.  I slept on and off all night.  And had dreams.  Nothing major or freaky, just little scenarios running through my mind all night.  Weird.  Not sure if I should keep taking it at night or not.  Didn’t take it this morning though.  And I have places to go – places to drive this evening and I don’t want to feel weird so not sure what I’ll do.

Yesterday I almost had a panic attack while showering – I felt like the steam was too thick and I couldn’t breathe.  I forced myself to continue on and finish my shower, getting mad at the ridiculousness of it.

This morning I am shaky.  I don’t know if that it from the celexa or not.  But now I’ve decided not to shower because I’m afraid to have a panic attack in the shower.  That’s crazy but true.  If that happened, the shower would be another place I need to fight to be OK with again and I don’t want that.  So, avoiding it today may just give me time for those crazy thoughts about it to go away and it turn into a non-issue.  That would be a better outcome.  So, I’m going to go stand at the sink and wash up and then lean over the tub and wash my hair.  Cuz I’m just cool like that.  No other reason.  Nope.  No other reason :)

Day 2: 3/6/14

Took 1/2 pill again around 7:30-8pm mainly because thats when I remembered it.  I was actually planning to take it earlier so sleeping wouldn’t be such a problem but I forgot.  I was VERY tired when I went to bed, I had taken 1 & 1/2 ativan yesterday because of my phone meeting with the maybe millionaires and because I felt very jittery and had to drive Kid3 to basketball practice.  Add to that the fact that I barely slept the night before and it didn’t seem like it would be a problem.  Hubby took off work and was home and came to bed shortly after I went.  He woke me up around 1am with some cuddling that lead to some loving :D  But I slept really well both before and after that.  Ha.

I already told Kid2 that I didn’t want to take her and friends shopping this weekend.  We need to watch our $$ right now and I used that as a reason.  It is true, but not the main reason.  Just really want to avoid that drive right now :(  We just paid for quite a few extra things for these kids and kid3 needs to get baseball cleats and a new batting helmet pretty quickly here so that is next on the list.  We have a little time yet until kid2’s formal so she’s gonna have to wait just a little to buy the dress.

Day:  3/7/14

3rd time taking half a pill was last night.  Sleeping was ok, but I do feel like my brain is busy all night.  It’s like I’m thinking about all sorts of stuff but I’m sleeping – seems different than dreams.  Weird but it’s not like I was awake all night.

Right now though – it’s just after noon – I am sitting at my desk working and feel SO tired.  Like if I laid down I would be out immediately.  Feel very subdued today, think the medication is finally building up in me and making me all chilled out.  ha.  Idk.  Bye.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jill
    Mar 07, 2014 @ 17:17:44

    My thoughts are with you Zoe, I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. xxx Hugs

    Reply

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.
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