TWENTY Years

We have been married for 20 years.   TWENTY YEARS.

I don’t feel old enough for that to be possible!

But yes, today is our 20th anniversary.  And I really felt like celebrating it this year!  For real.  That is the best feeling ever.

I found this quaint little cabin not too far away with a hot tub that I wanted to rent and have a little get away but hubby shot that idea down cuz it was too expensive.  I disagreed but let it go….  I should have just booked it and then surprised him.

He worked last night of course. We decided to go to breakfast this morning together since evenings are full of baseball games and all sorts of other kid events.

There is a new Bob Evans in our area so we went there and got big yummy breakfast meals.  Then we ran around to do a few errands and came home.  Not very exciting but… it was fun.  And relaxing.  Then we came home and enjoyed each others company a little bit more before he went to sleep :)

I feel secure it my marriage.  I feel happy.  I feel loved.  The other day his jerk side popped out and I was very worried but just went away from him for a while.  The next day I asked him about it and he said knew he wasn’t being OK and explained what he was feeling and we moved on.  Life isn’t prefect.  It never will be.  But I love my husband and he loves me and we have a happy marriage.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that!

Today, I am PROUD to say that I have been married to this man for 20 years.  (We all know that wasn’t always the case!!!)

When I initially told hubby about the cabin I wanted to rent, he said that he’d be happy just to stay home and cook some burgers on the grill.   I said What is that??  This is 20 years we need to do something more special!!  Ha.

Later I was thinking about that and it grew in my mind to having a party.  I thought we could do it a Friday evening – 7:00ish so it would soon get dark and we could enjoy the firepit and some fire works and glow stick on the trampoline (Kids – not me!)….  I picture us inviting both sides of the family and maybe even some friends.  And let the kids invite friends too.  Plus it seems more causal if it is dark out and we aren’t all sitting there in the sunlight wondering what to say to each other… we never get together with both sides of the family so that might be a little weird.  But I think that letting the kids invite friends too makes it all a bit more chaotic and fun and not calm and boring with people not knowing what to say.  I picture burgers on the grill, hot dogs and kraut in the crockpot, potatoe skins in the oven, my mom-in-laws pies, chips, dips, fruit trays and veggies with dip.  My sis-in-law has some lawn games we could borrow.  Hubby’s side of the family likes to drink so we can have coolers with beer and wine coolers, and another with soda.  I want to send people invitations that say “Come help us celebrate our 20th anniversary!”  See, I’m figuring it all out in my head.

A few days ago I asked him if he meant he wanted to have people over and do burgers…. he said no, I meant just our family…  So he meant just like that’s what he’d like for dinner.  Ha.  He laughed off the idea of a party.

I brought it up again today in the car.  I told him who I wanted to invite etc.  I told him I feel like we are in a good place and have a happy marriage and its been a crazy 20 years and I think we are happier now than for a long long time – maybe ever.  He agreed with the “maybe ever” statement by the way.  :)  I told him I actually feel like celebrating this cuz I’m so happy and proud of us.  He didn’t say a lot but said “let me think about it…..”   I even told him the date I want to have it.  So now, I will wait a few days before I bring it up again.  Obviously if he doesn’t want to, it will not be fun, it will be stressful and something for us to argue about instead of being a celebration so I need to get him on board.

I’m really excited about it though and that surprises me actually.

 

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No Anniversary Facebook Post

I am a big fan of the blog Single Dad Laughing.

This is from his post called 25 Common Facebook Status Updates and What They REALLY Mean

“Common Facebook Status Update #5:
Today is our 15 year anniversary! We’ve had our ups and downs and the roller coaster has been a fun one. I really can’t believe it’s been so long already!
Translates to:
I want to shout out this big milestone but I know that almost all of you know that we’ve almost ended this marriage like fifty times and so I feel silly doing it.”

And this one is off topic but I think it’s hilarious cuz I can SO relate!

“Common Facebook Status Update #11:
Image post of a sleeping child with this caption: It’s been a really long day, Little Johnny had a few major melt-downs, but he just fell asleep and look how cute he is.
Translates to:
I gave him Nyquil. He’s not sick.  And I don’t feel guilty about it.”

The first one hit right on today.  Our 19th anniversary is coming up this weekend and I have no plans to post it on facebook.  I don’t really post a lot of things anyway, I mainly lurk on my kids and comment occasionally on posts by family.  2 or 3 years ago I posted that it was our anniversary – I said something like ’16 years and never a dull moment.’  That’s all I wrote.  The ONLY comment that got was from my s-i-l saying that she doesn’t know how I do it.  HA!

Of course it is possible that people who are not my close friends or family would not have known what that meant.  My guess though is that people did know and they also knew that my marriages sucked and had no comment because of that.  Anyway, as much as I like to think I don’t care if my posts get any comments, let’s all admit that it is a little weird when you write something and you get no response.

Another thing – a woman I know that is so completely fake on facebook and drives me insane makes beautiful heartfelt posts on her anniversary.  It’s a big long paragraph about how she married the perfect guy and how awesome he has made her life and blah blah blah.  The issue I have with that is that her husband is not even on facebook!  So we all know that post is written strictly for her to brag about her awesome life.  She also writes those big long mushy posts on her kid’s birthdays.  Don’t get me started on that.

Our 18th Anniversary

Saturday was our 18th wedding anniversary.

Things have definitely been better around here since I backed off and took a break from the drama with him.  More on that later.

Not too long ago I told hubby that I needed him to kinda make a big deal of special days like birthdays, mothers day, anniversaries etc.  I know that he knows that I need that.  I don’t think I ever said it to him in such a straight forward way before though.

“You know how I’ve told you that I need you to show me that you appreciate me?  Well I need it even more on days like mother’s day and anniversaries and birthdays and stuff.  I don’t need anything big.  You can get me flowers.  Or pick me flowers!  Or write me a note – it doesn’t even have to cost anything.  I don’t want a big expensive thing.  I just want to know you appreciate me.  I need you to celebrate those days.”

About Mother’s Day:

“But you aren’t my mother.”
“I’m the mother of your children.   That counts.”
“OK.”

On Wednesday hubby asked me if we were gonna do anything special for our anniversary. I asked him what he wanted to do.  He didn’t know.  I was thrilled that he was thinking about it.  I was thrilled that he even cared to bring it up!

We talked about going to dinner.  We figured out that we would be at a baseball game at 4:30 on Saturday.  Maybe the kids could go home from the game with Gram& Pap.  Maybe we could go out for breakfast instead…

Neither of those happened actually.  But it was still ok.  It was a nice day.  He acknowledged our anniversary and was not acting irritated by it.   He was sweet actually.  He was easy to get along with all day.  We had fun goofing off together at the baseball game.

After the game, he took the kids for ice cream.  I went to Walmart with our mammoth grocery list. When I got home from the store he quickly got all the kids to come help carry in groceries and HE HELPED TOO.   He has not done that in a very long time.  I am so used to him being irritated at the world that I just do all these things myself.  He helped carry bags in,  he helped put things away.  He didn’t comment rudely about anything I bought.  Nice.

And then later, when I was cleaning up the kitchen, I found a note on the counter. 

(He does know how to spell anniversary by the way.  He makes fun of my spelling when I text – I leave out the vowels in many words to make them shorter obviously.  That’s why he wrote it that way!  )

The note was a photocopy of a kindle with a note on the top of it.  I have been borrowing my sister’s kindle – trying to figure out if I really want one – and if I will really use it.

He said he noticed that I have been reading in bed again – like I used to do – and he wants to get me one.

The “Forever and Ever Amen” is what we used to say to each other all the time.  It is even  inscribed on the inside of his wedding band.

I haven’t heard those words in a very long time.

Oh – and I got him a peach pie.  His favorite.  Simple, but much appreciated.

17 Years Together

…. And Never A Dull Moment!

So Very True.

Today I will celebrate that he is mine.  All mine.

Today I will enjoy my hubby and celebrate these years and all that we have built together.

Tomorrow I will worry about the rest.

——————

Well we weren’t very exciting today but we’re real I guess.  We went to Lowes and bought various fittings etc to fix the washer drain.  And then we went to Subway.  Stopped at the grocery store on the way home.  Ate our hoagies together at home.  He went to bed, I went to work.  Kids are getting off the bus at Grammy’s house.  We planned that this morning because we intended to go to dinner tonight instead of going this morning.  Didn’t happen that way.  Hubby couldn’t get to sleep right away, which means he will need to sleep tonight, so we got ready and just went.  Since the kids are are going to Grammy’s, he will get to sleep longer and I won’t have to cook supper.  Ha.  Sounds like a pretty good day to me!

He asked me why I was getting dressed up this morning.  I had on jean capris and a ruffly blouse.  My usual outfit is jeans and a tee.  So, I was a little more dressed up I guess.  I said when he looked at me today and thought about the fact that we have been married for 17 years  – I wanted that thought to make him smile, not feel “Ugh.”  He said  I always make him smile.

So, not exciting, but happy.  Couldn’t ask for anything more.

I am proud of that number.  17.  It was hard earned.

Our Anniversary is Tomorrow.

17 Years.  Wow.

Entry Date:  Monday – May 2nd

Our Anniversary is Thursday

Do I get him something?  What on earth do I get him?  Apparently furniture if the suggested “official” gift for 17th anniversaries.  That’s stupid.

A few interesting ideas here…… 17th Wedding Anniversary Gift Ideas 

I think the gift suggestions would probably change too if your marriage is on the rocks.

I guess we just keep on keepin on…. like all is well.  I have no idea.  He may or may not get me something.  He may or may not remember.  He may or may not care.  He may or may not be easy to get along with that day.  All this uncertainty sucks.  I think I will get him something small and be ready.  But you know what?!  If he doesn’t bring it up or even remember, I am not.  No way, nuh uh.  Is that being stupid and playing games? I prefer to call it self-preservation.

Too many past years have been like this:

Me: hand him an anniversary gift, or card, or just say “Happy Anniversary.”
Him: “Oh, Shit.”

Don’t care to repeat that.  Ever again.

Always expect the worst, and you will never be disappointed.

Quote Source

……..

Entry Date:  Wednesday – May 4th

Our anniversary is tomorrow.  I wasn’t going to bring it up and just see what happens.  Well, silly me.  Yesterday he was looking at the calendar and started “o my goshing” about how Thursday is our anniversary – 17 years!  Can you believe it – o my gosh 17 years!  Very funny actually.  VERY NICE that he remembered.  Hilarious how he was making a big deal about it to the kids.  So now it’s out there and yes, he did remember.  Yay :)

We got an anniversary card in the mail today from my mom.  That was nice.  More on that later….

This morning we were talking about what we should do tomorrow.  He said he’d be happy going to Subway.  lol  Actually, I’d be thrilled to go get chinese.  We are not fancy people.  No surprise there.  ha.   We didn’t really make any plans.  He has to work tonight (3rd shift).  Who knows how he’ll feel in the am.  He mentioned maybe going for breakfast instead.  We’ll wait and see and hopefully do something together to celebrate this momentous occasion.  :)

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.