Did I write that?

Hi all.

I came here this morning with a few minutes to spare and some thoughts I wanted to type out.  It’s Monday morning so I don’t have much time but am missing my blog world friends!  I clicked on an old post that got a lot of clicks over the weekend and time got away from me – reading my old posts.  It brought me to tears.  I am so sad for where my marriage has been.  I’m grateful for improvement but angry that it was ever so bad to begin with.  Do you guys do that too?  Do you re-read your old posts from time to time?  Sometimes it feels like I’m reading something someone else wrote.  The words don’t even seem to be mine.

I am out of time now.  I hope to be back soon – typing it all out.  I need some free therapy!

Happy Monday.  Love you guys!

Wishy-Washy Me

I have not been blogging.  The usual reasons stand – too busy, etc.  BUT.  I was thinking about this last night – if I’m  being completely honest, I haven’t been blogging because I am concerned about what my cyber friends will say and that I will be judged.  And wasn’t that the whole purpose of this blog in the first place??  To avoid both of those things!!

Heck in my very first post, I wrote “You don’t know me.  And I like it that way.  I want to say what I want to say without being judged and without hurting anyone’s feelings.”

Well now some of you do ‘know’ me.  And for that I am very thankful!  So now I just have to jump back in and say what I want to say without worrying about being judged!

It’s not that I have anything terribly scandalous to say.  lol  I am just so wishy-washy and can’t seem to make a decision about my marriage to save my life.  One day I want to jump in with both feet and decide that I’m gonna power through it no matter what – hoping & praying & holding onto the dream that it will get better.  The next day I am chastising myself for sticking around as long as I have.

It’s the same old, same old. I wish I could make a decision and commit to it.

But this is my journal type blog and the whole purpose of it was to have a safe place to vent and work things out in my mind.  And my heart.  And to meet some people who can relate.

So I will swallow my pride, and blog what I feel, even if I do look stupid.

Where to Start?

I’ve been having trouble trying to figure out what to write about just because it’s been such a long time.  I feel like I need to catch up and go back and write stuff in order.  “Paralyzed by Perfection”.  That’s exactly what that is.  I feel like I need to do it just right or not at all.  That is why so many things don’t get done around here!  So I am going to just start babbling.  :)  I might babble about the present.  I might babble about things that happened over the summer.  I’m just going to babble.  As soon as I have time.  :)

Image source: http://modernreject.com/2012/01/god-is-good-blah-blah-blah/

Blogging in My Head

That’s all I seem to have time for…

It’s still good therapy though!  I think things through.  I tell the story in my head and it gives me a better perspective.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.