Celexa vs Zoloft

I know that some people do use Celexa for anxiety – just from reading blogs etc I know that.  And the guy that posts the anxiety videos on youtube takes Celexa.

I still find it curious that Celexa is what my doctor suggested for me.  Straight from the medication guide that came from the pharmacy it says that Celexa (Citalporam) is used to treat depression.

Contrast that to Zoloft which says that it treats depression, panic disorder, OCD, PTSD, social anxiety disorder and PMDD.

I kinda think its funny that it is supposed to treat all those!  I should never have another bad day again in my life – even PMS! – if all goes according to plan!

Here’s hoping :)

Celexa Journey Stops Here: Day 18

Day 18 : 3/22/14

I took 1/2 a celexa last night.  Hopefully that is my last one.  If hubby doesn’t get to the pharmacy for me today, I may have to take it again tonight but hopefully that won’t be the case.

I talked to my doctor yesterday and she agreed it was time to try something else.  I asked about Zoloft and she said that sounded good.  She also suggested I might have just “caught a bug” and that is why I have been so sick.  I know that is true.  But.  I have been dizzy and naseaus for over a week and never actually had a fever.  Add to that the fact that my anxiety has been through the roof and my brain has not been able to calm the crazy constant thoughts and what-ifs.  Itwas like my normal worries turned up on high speed that would not stop no matter what.  And THAT was from the medicine, I guarantee it.

So I am hopeful that I am able to tolerate zoloft better.  I’m nervous about starting over and hope that the initial side effects for it are not as bad and don’t last as long.

Celexa Journey: Day 16

Today will be Day 16.  I havent taken it yet.  I’ve been taking it at night before bed.  Maybe I should change that to morning.  Maybe I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow!  OR maybe it will just ruin the whole day.  ANd can I just take it several hours early or will that screw me up too?  I have no idea what to do?

I want to call my doctor and ask to try zoloft instead.  That was the one I had been leaning toward before I went to see her last.  She suggested Celexa and I said OK.  I understand that these types of meds have initial side effects but I’ve never had any this bad before.  Even Paxil – which was a nightmare – was more manageable than this.

I was telling myself I’d stick it out until Monday and if I wasnt better then I’d call her.  But now I dont know if I should wait.  Usually I’ve noticed the med actually working at least some already by this time.  This seems to just have me afraid to do or go absolutely anywhere.

Sigh.  Help please.  When I google it there are so many opinions because these meds affect everyone differently but I really dont see this one helping me at all.  And it feels like its killing me!

This morning I did get up at 6 – so that was better.  I did take an ativan at 5 again too.  Well half a one today cuz I’m getting low.  I felt shaky and dizzy and like I needed to hold onto the walls when I walked.  I went out to check the fire and ended up just sitting down on the concrete for a few minutes before coming back in.  This is nasty.  I had made my son a bagel before I went to check the fire.  I had to go lay down on the couch then and he came and babbled at me about legos while he ate his bagel on the couch too.  I really tried this morning to get back to the routine but I was exhausted.  I haven’t worked since Monday!  Ugh!  I hate to even see my inbox.

Yes, I am here typing this all out instead of working.  Believe me, I am in no mental state that I should be spending people’s money right now.  It’s best for me not to work right now.  But I DO need to get back to it – and fast!

I need to find a solution and this really doesnt feel like it!

Ugh.  So should I call her today – wait till tomorrow?  Wait till Monday?  The thought of weaning off of this one and then starting over with another – that may have nasty side effects also is not appealing at all.  Of course nether is continuing on this way.  AGHHHH!

Celexa Journey: Day 15

Well it’s day 15 and I’m ready to quit this Celexa!  Let me tell you whats been happening….

I’ve been takign whole pills since Day 7, so dose is 20mg.

Day 14 : 3/18/14

SO SICK!  Tuesday I woke up in the morning at 6 as usual.  Talked to kid1 for a few minutes in the hall, went into the bathroom and OMG it hit me.  I was dizzy, thinking I was going to fall off the toilet before I could even be done peeing!  Sorry for the grossness of this post but OMG.  Then I was dry heaving, trying to puke and I couldn’t.  Then I was just curled up with my forehead on the floor cuz it felt cool.  I swear I was on fire.  I truly don’t think I’ve ever been that hot before in my life!  You know how when you get sick and are trying to puke you get all feverish feeling, well this was like that – only maxed out.  I couldn’t get up off the floor.   After a few minutes, I had to get up though cuz all of a sudden I had horrible diarrhea.  Finally I felt sturdy enough that I could walk out of the bathroom and kind of ran to the couch.  I asked Kid1 to get me a bowl and turn on the ceiling fan.  I was burning up.  I ran back and forth to the bathroom a few times and then laid there on the couch.  My girls were helpful in getting their little brother moving before they left to catch the bus.  As soon as hubby got home I went upstairs.  I had to practically crawl up the steps and the movement had me in the upstairs bathroom trying to puke again.  As soon as I could I went and got my pillow from my bed and just laid on the bathroom floor.  Hubby came to check on me and said he’d be back after he got kid3 on the bus.

I was asleep by the time he came back but he woke me up and made sure I had my cell so I could get ahold of him if I needed him.  He was going to the basement to sleep cuz obviously our bed was germified now.  ha.  I stayed there till about noon I guess.  Then came downstairs to get some water.  I slept on the couch the rest of the day.  As soon as I would move, I felt dizzy. I did stumble back to my desk to get an ativan somewhere in there – because even as I was just laying there on the couch I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  It felt like I was having an hours long panic attack that just wouldn’t quit.  If nothing else, the ativan helped me go back to sleep.

I googled more about celexa when I was laying in bed last night and there are so many stories about how bad the side effects are and how if you can stick it out, it’ll be worth it.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  Then of course hubby is convinced it’s just the flu.  If it’s the flu – its the flu combined with the celexa if you ask me.  Not being able to breath and the dizziness that was SO intense seemed like more than the flu to me.

Took only 1/2 pill tonight – afraid to take a whole one and I know better than to quit cold turkey.

Day 15 : 3/19/14

Wednesday. I felt like I was having a panic attack as soon as I opened my eyes at 5am.  I immediately took an ativan.  That was one of the things I read the night before – use your benzo to help you through these side effects.  That took a while but I did fall back asleep.  My alarm went off at 6 then and I sat up and felt dizzy and started sweating  right away again.  I called to Kid1 and told her I wasn’t getting up today cuz I still felt horrid.  She was surprised but said OK.  I told her to make sure Kid3 was up and about before leaving.  There is about half an hour between the time my girls leave for the bus and hubby gets home from work.  I truly didn’t care if anyone went to school or what happened, I wasn’t getting out of bed.  That’s how bad I felt.  Hubby came to check on me when he got home.  He just said “That bad?”  I said “Yep”.  And that was it.  I slept till someone was beating on our door at 10am.  I looked dreadful and was not going to the door.  They finally went away but I was awake then.  I slowly made it downstairs cuz I was starving and had some tea and toast.  Then I rested on the couch a while.  Then I took a quick shower and got dressed.  By then I was exhausted and laid down on the couch – it was probably around noon.  I woke up when my son came in the door at 4:15!  Ugh!  My girls were home and making mac n cheese very quietly in the kitchen.  Ha.  Nice to know they can hold down the fort while I’m sick.

I did sit at the table and eat some supper with everyone last night and I kinda wandered around the house last night picking things up and finding out what was happening with my kids.  I sat up on the couch when we watched survivor.  woo hoo!  lol

Took 1/2 a pill again – afraid to take a whole pill!

Celexa Journey: Day 8

Day 8: 3/12/14

Started taking whole pills on day 7.  20 mg.

We ordered hoagies from my sister-in-law for a fundraiser.  We had to go to town to pick them up.  I was having a bad anxiety type of day and didn’t really want to go.  Hubby said he’d go.  I decided to be brave and go with him.  I hadn’t been out of the house lately and was getting tired of being afraid of these panic attacks.  Well he jumped up immediately to go, and I felt rushed and un-prepared – cuz I’m just nuts I guess – but I went anyway.  We had barely pulled out of the driveway and my world started spinning.  I was hot and felt puky and swirly and argh!  I laid back my seat and told hubby I wanted to go home.  He said really?  I said No, cuz I need to do this but I might just pass out on you.  He rolled the windows the whole way down so I had this massive cold breeze blowing over me and we continued on.  It passed after a few minutes but of course then I was a shaky mess.  Strangely he was surprised that I didn’t want to go into the grocery store with him.   He went in, got what we needed, then headed over to get the hoagies, again I said no thanks, I’ll wait in the car.

The way home was better but I was very upset and told him I wished I had never told him about my panic attacks.  I said that if I had never told him, I would have said I’d go get the hoagies, I’d have done it alone.  I may have had to pull over and do some deep breathing or something along the way and it would have sucked big time But I would have done it.  I told him I probably would have sat in the parking lot at the grocery store for a while until they were less busy and go in like a mom on a mission.  And probably would have cried from relief when I got back to my car.  He said “And that would have been better than telling me?”  I said I think it would.  It all seems too real now that he knows.  I feel like  a weakling that he has to deal with.

He told me it was fine and he would stick it out with me.  Not real mushy or anything but still pretty good coming from him. :D

These things have all gotten worse again lately.  Stores hadn’t been a problem for a while now.  This driving anxiety though is screwing me up big time and doesn’t really work when you’re a mom!  Feeling very frustrated and just want to go pull the covers up over my head.

Day 9: 3/13/14

Hubby was determined to go do something just cuz he’s sick of being cooped up inside.  Our family hardly ever goes to the movies.  Maybe like twice a year.  He decided he was taking Kid3 to see the Lego movie.  Kid2 was already at a friend’s house for the night and Kid1 had no other plans so she was going.  I said I wasn’t going anywhere.  Hubby kept saying that he wished I would go.  This is new.  He usually doesn’t do that at all – and prides himself on the fact that he is so independent he needs no one, so of course I think he was doing that – trying to help me get out of the house again.  I was feeling better than the day before but still nervous of course.

I finally said OK – there was time so I took an ativan – first one in a few days – I haven been taking them much since I started celexa.  And we went to the movies.  We got there very early – cuz that is how hubby is.  There are always like 20 minutes of previews so I prefer to get there on time or even late.  We were there like 1/2 an hour early. We were the only ones in the theater.  Hubby sat right in the middle.  That was OK but I was worried that it would fill up and I would feel trapped.  I was very nervous sitting there and kept trying to distract myself with my ipod.  And kid2 was shopping with friends and kept texting me pics of dresses for formal – that helped too.

It didn’t get very crowded but people did sit directly behind us which was weird – at least skip a row – there was tons of room.  And the little kids behind us gave a running commentary.  It was cute and didn’t bother me since the the movie was pretty boring anyway.

RELIEF when that move was over and we were on the way home. So much RELIEF.  I made it.  It was fun.  Even more importantly, it was over.  Ha.  Got home and went straight to bed.  Bliss.

Celexa Journey: Day 6

Day 6: 3/11/14

So I’ve taken 6 half pills now, tonight I will start taking a whole pill and I’m nervous.  The dizziness and tiredness has subsided a bit.  My daughter is very impatiently waiting for me to take her dress shopping so I hope that the dizziness doesnt come again.

I have been avoiding driving – or going anywhere really.  It’s worked out well, we are kinda between basketball and baseball right now.  There are still practices but no games.  And the baseball coach is a neighbor so he has just been taking our son to practice with him which means we didn’t have to drive him.  Tonight my daughter has track and I need some things from the store so I plan to drive her there.  I hate that I am nervous about it!  Ugh.  Hubby will not be here so it will be on me.  I will probably take an ativan this afternoon to prepare.  Craziness.  Even before I started this Celexa and was having quite a few panic attacks, I was still driving.  Now with Celexa, the dizziness at first scared me a little, and then I avoided it and have become a major homebody – I guess that’s why I’m more nervous.  It occurs to me now that it might be smart to go for a quick drive today.  Maybe on my lunch break.  That would help my nerves.  Even if I just drive around the countryside here for a few minutes.  We’ll see.  I’m busy and will probably get into my work mode and not want to stop to go.

I’m not sure if the Celexa has helped much yet or not.  I havent taken ativan for 3 days.  I was impressed with myself when I realized that.  BUT.  I havent gone anywhere either for 3 days!  lol  Even so, before that I was taking them even when I was staying home cuz I felt like jumping out of my skin.  So it might be helping.  Or it might be that my hormones are calm right now.  Or it might be the sunshine or the extra sleep I’ve been getting.  Who knows.  Time will tell I guess.

I did play Just Dance on the wii with my daughter 2 nights in a row now though.  That’s something.  Sad but true – usually I wold not have the energy or desire to do that.  It was fun.

Celexa Journey: Day 1

Day 1: 3/5/14

Took half pill around 8pm.  Was worried that it would make me dizzy or keep me awake or who knows.  Have read way too much about side effects etc.  Didn’t notice anything and was grateful.  Went to bed about 11:30.  Woke up at midnight – right on the dot.  I even wondered if my alarm had gone off or something cuz it seemed so strange.  I was WIDE AWAKE.   I refused to get up though because I needed to sleep.  I slept on and off all night.  And had dreams.  Nothing major or freaky, just little scenarios running through my mind all night.  Weird.  Not sure if I should keep taking it at night or not.  Didn’t take it this morning though.  And I have places to go – places to drive this evening and I don’t want to feel weird so not sure what I’ll do.

Yesterday I almost had a panic attack while showering – I felt like the steam was too thick and I couldn’t breathe.  I forced myself to continue on and finish my shower, getting mad at the ridiculousness of it.

This morning I am shaky.  I don’t know if that it from the celexa or not.  But now I’ve decided not to shower because I’m afraid to have a panic attack in the shower.  That’s crazy but true.  If that happened, the shower would be another place I need to fight to be OK with again and I don’t want that.  So, avoiding it today may just give me time for those crazy thoughts about it to go away and it turn into a non-issue.  That would be a better outcome.  So, I’m going to go stand at the sink and wash up and then lean over the tub and wash my hair.  Cuz I’m just cool like that.  No other reason.  Nope.  No other reason :)

Day 2: 3/6/14

Took 1/2 pill again around 7:30-8pm mainly because thats when I remembered it.  I was actually planning to take it earlier so sleeping wouldn’t be such a problem but I forgot.  I was VERY tired when I went to bed, I had taken 1 & 1/2 ativan yesterday because of my phone meeting with the maybe millionaires and because I felt very jittery and had to drive Kid3 to basketball practice.  Add to that the fact that I barely slept the night before and it didn’t seem like it would be a problem.  Hubby took off work and was home and came to bed shortly after I went.  He woke me up around 1am with some cuddling that lead to some loving :D  But I slept really well both before and after that.  Ha.

I already told Kid2 that I didn’t want to take her and friends shopping this weekend.  We need to watch our $$ right now and I used that as a reason.  It is true, but not the main reason.  Just really want to avoid that drive right now :(  We just paid for quite a few extra things for these kids and kid3 needs to get baseball cleats and a new batting helmet pretty quickly here so that is next on the list.  We have a little time yet until kid2’s formal so she’s gonna have to wait just a little to buy the dress.

Day:  3/7/14

3rd time taking half a pill was last night.  Sleeping was ok, but I do feel like my brain is busy all night.  It’s like I’m thinking about all sorts of stuff but I’m sleeping – seems different than dreams.  Weird but it’s not like I was awake all night.

Right now though – it’s just after noon – I am sitting at my desk working and feel SO tired.  Like if I laid down I would be out immediately.  Feel very subdued today, think the medication is finally building up in me and making me all chilled out.  ha.  Idk.  Bye.

Done with Wellbutrin, Starting Celexa

Yesterday I took the last wellbutrin pill that I plan to take.

I’ve been weaning off of those ever since my big driving panic attack that I am convinced they triggered.    On Friday my doctor agreed that I needed something different.  Not sure the wellbutrin had been helping much before that anyway and I have been taking ativan almost daily so thats not good.  That is not the purpose of my ativan.  It’s just supposed to help me as needed, and I’m not supposed to need it every day!

Part of me wants to just wait it out and see how I do without any medication in my system.  I hate that medication has become normal for me.

But then kid2 asked me to take her and 3 friends to the mall this weekend to shop for dresses for the spring formal.  Just the thought of driving them there made me want to start popping ativan!

Last night I drove to kid3’s playoff basketball game – my kids and kid2’s BFF – and it was HARD.  I did it cuz hubby didn’t go to the game but it wasn’t fun at all.  I had a little episode on the way there and slowed way down, expecting to pull over, but kept fighting and and got through it and kept going.  Amazing to me that kids don’t notice.  Ha.  They were gabbing and picking on each other and fighting and all that they do and were oblivious to what was going on up front.  Ha.  Even Kid1 who sat in the front passenger seat.  She had her headphones on and her head laid back and was in her own world.  I’m glad she was.

Anyway…. the thought of drivign them to the mall should not freak me out.  And that is ridiculous.

So I decided I would start the Celexa  (Citalopram) today.   I haven’t done it yet though.  I keep putting it off.  I’m starting with half a pill and its unlikely to have any side effects immediately but I was reading online about how one of the beginning side effects is dizziness and I am afraid of that I guess.  And I really don’t want to have to deal with that and have to be in charge of my kids…. I don’t know.  Then what if I take it now – almost bedtime and it keeps me awake tonight?  I have a conference call tomorrow with the Maybe Millionaires and I need to be completely focused and ready for that.  I cant be all sleep deprived and foggy!  Aggh.    Yes, this is just me babbling whats happening in my head right now.  Ha.

OK.  I’m going to take it now.  If not now, when?  I am praying this will help.  The plan is for this to help me overcome a lot of my social anxiety and get strong and confident and do all the things that I need to do and that I want to do!  Then I will wean off off this medication too and be forever fixed.  Yep, that’s right.  I didn’t use to have panic attacks.  And I don’t plan to have them for the rest of my life either.  :D

Here we go.  Celexa:  Day 1

Social Anxiety Videos on YouTube

I found this recently when searching for info on Celexa which my dr prescribed at my appointment on Friday.  I have it, but haven’t started it yet….

I like this guy.  Only watched 2 videos so far but definitely interesting.  Check it out.  Link below.

Social Anxiety Videos on YouTube

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.