Ativan RX Lasted over 2 Months :)

Just refilled the Ativan prescription.

This last one lasted from 10/11/12 – 12/20/12 and I had 4 pills left.  RX was for 30 pills.   And quite a few of those were taken just recently at dentist appts and band concerts etc.

Oh my – I have been to the dentist 3 times this month!  Once for a cleaning, then twice now to have cavities filled.  I haven’t had any cavities since I was a teenager.  My gums are receding by my ‘fang’ teeth.  Ha.  Not sure what they are really called.  But at all four of them – my gums are receding, more of the roots are showing, which is not as hard as the enamel on the tooth, so they are decaying.   And this wonderful new dentist that just took over the practice decided it was time to deal with it.  He drilled them all out and filled them up with white filling stuff and they look awesome.  It looks so good – just like normal teeth now.  Ha.  So that’s great but it was pretty tough and involved lots of ativan each time.  The Novocaine shots were the worst.  I was thanking God for the TV in the ceiling.  They have the volume off but that captions on – so when I would start to freak out I focused very intently on reading those words!  John Travolta and Olivia Newton John were on the Kelly and whoever show that day.  The dentist wanted to spread the appointments out more but I really wanted to get this done before the end of the year.  We have partial dental insurance and had already met the deductible for the year so a good bit of this was covered by the insurance.  If I waited until January – the deductible starts over and it costs me more.  I have no idea why I’m babbling all this.

:)

I took off work yesterday to try to catch up on everything.  The plan was to go to the dentist, go to the grocery store with list in hand to be prepared for all the holiday meals and cookie baking.  And then go buy my girls new mattresses, come home and get a bunch done at the house.  (The mattresses my girls have been using forever are not very good at all – they complain about how hard they are often.  They were hand-me-down mattresses from a relative.  They were on my buy-someday-hopefully-soon list.  With all this Christmas shopping though – and especially when I paid $60 for a silly toy, I thought about how ridiculous it was that I would pay all this $ for all these gifts but won’t spend the money on mattresses that they use every single day of their lives and would be appreciated for a long time. So yesterday I bought them both new mattresses.)

Off track again…  I got most of my stuff done when I was out running errands, my grocery list wasn’t really prepared though and I was winging it through the store – making up the menu as I went down the aisles.  Not the way I like to shop.  And Kids 1 & 3 were both home from school sick!  Fevers and colds.  Happily no puking or anything – but the fevers that won’t quit are rough.  It’s hard to catch up on anything when you are tending to sick kids.  Hubby stayed awake with them while I was gone. But then was asleep the rest of the day/evening.  He woke up for a bit at one point, talked to me for about 5 minutes, got ticked at me and went back to the basement to sleep.  Yippee.

The original point of this post – 26 ativan pills last me over 2 months.  Yay me!

Have a good day.  I’m gonna go try to focus and stop the babbling in my head so I can get some work done today.  The paid kind of work, the rest will have to wait until later.  Bye!

Quick Freak Out Update

Yesterday Kid1 and I BOTH went to the dentist.  She had a tooth pulled and I had my teeth cleaned.  It’s been 2 years I think since I went for me.  Seems I spend lots of time there but that’s cuz I have 3 kids :)

I made it through that pretty well.  I was thoroughly drugged with ativan.  But I did it and that was the goal.

Now tonight we are going to an open house at the career and technology center because Kid1 wants to go there next year.  Aaagghh.  It will be crowded, it will be hot.  I am PRAYING they don’t try to make parents sit in a room and attend some sort of information session.  Aaaggghh.

Oh yea of course the hormones are freaking me out – I actually expect to get my period today – so I’m at my highest freak out level.  Ha.  Of course.

Tough Week

Tuesday 11/13/12

Tough week for me and my lovely panic attacks:

#1  Today – Take Kid1 to the dentist.

#2  Tomorrow – Parent visitation day!!!!  (happily there is only one kid to visit this year…  sadly I only have one kid still in elementary school!!)

#3  Thursday – Fall Sports Celebration.  (In the auditorium – yuk!)

I will be strong.  I can do it.  I will get enough sleep.  I will limit my caffeine.  Thank God that my hormones are under control this week!

Wednesday 11/11/12

#1  Dentist went well.  I took ativan, and kid1 is Miss Independent and didn’t even want me to go back with her.  It was just a cleaning so no big deal.  At the end they called me back to look at her xrays etc.  That was it.  Yay.

#2  Parent visitation day – DONE!
I took ativan this morning, then went to the school around 10am and hung around for about an hour.  It was good.  I felt like a normal human being.  That’s always good. :)  Getting better at this stuff!  So much better!

#3  One more left – I can do it!

Just for fun – and to add to my stress level…. a client has decided he is launching 4 new websites before Black Friday.. HA HA HA HA HA

Yes, that is my crazy laugh.  They weren’t expected to be ready so soon – and they actually aren’t completely, but he wants to make them live and get in on some black Friday madness.  Can’t blame him but that is 4 new sites worth of marketing that needs setup.  That is not a quick thing to do!  Aaaghhhh.  I will try my hardest because he is my biggest client and of course I want to keep him happy but geesh!

I’m not going to worry about that today, I’ll worry about that tomorrow.   Do you remember that book?  “Goose Goofs Off”  That was one of my all time favorite books when I was a kid!

Goose Goofs Off (Sweet Pickles Series)

That really has nothing to do with this post because I have NOT been goofing off but it popped into my head and made me smile.  And I just dug it off the bookshelf and it actually says “I’m taking it easy today.  I’ll do it tomorrow.”  Just for the record.  :)

G’night.

Related Posts:
Parent Visitation Day Follow Up

Panic Attacks: The Dentist & The Bank

A Successful Day

(9/11/12 – Typed in the bleachers while I was bored to death waiting for a volleyball game to be over!  Kid1 plays JV, but she still has to stay for the varsity game.   So I stayed too.  Got a bit bored and started typing on my ipod :)

———————————————————————————————

I’m Sitting in the bleachers at the volleyball game myself now right now.

Kids 2&3 and I got here about half an hour late. We went to the dentist first. My old dentist retired and sold his practice. The new guy is great tho!  Really good with my kids. Feel so much better about it now. Hate going to the dentist and being trapped in that chair anyway. I was nervous about mtg the new dentist.  Now its done. And he nice. Whew. Don’t need MORE reasons to have a panic attack.

They are getting ready to announce the varsity players now and will play the national anthem soon too. Ugh. Doing ok but shaky.

Hubby came by himself and then we met him here. He was sitting with my bff and her mom. Right in the freakn middle of the bleachers. Bff was videotaping the game so she was sitting at center court and he joined them.

After the jv game, bff left to go to her grams bday party. Hubby took kid3 home to do his homework and now kid2 and I r still here watching varsity game.  Of course kid2 is sitting with her friends. I could sit with other parents.  I’m friends with a few. But i prefer the cool air coming in my doors to my friends. Lol  Nice huh?

Oh!  Kid1 got to play in the JV game.  Woo hoo! . Once before i got here. And the she got in again – poor girl was so so so nervous but  was grinning from ear to ear.
Yay!!!

So today i took kids to dentist and sat right in the middle of these bleachers. (Ativan included.)  And i didn’t freak out. That’s a pretty good day :)

Anxiety: Dentist Exposure Therapy & Wings :)

This morning:

I was going to ask hubby to take Kid3 to the dentist today.  His appointment is at 3:30.  I wanted a day off from ativan.  There are so many things happening and I have been taking it pretty regularly.  :(

But hubby is still awake working on a tractor.  So he will not get to bed until late, which means he will need to sleep.  Argh.

Yea, yea I know.  It’s good for me to take him anyway.  Exposure therapy and all that.

Now at the end of the day:

Hubby said sure he would take him – if he was awake by then.  I knew he wouldn’t be so I planned ahead, took my ativan, lit my apple scented candle, and tried to forget about it and get some work done.  It worked pretty well and by the time I picked Kid3 up from school I was feeling confident.

This appointment was easier for kid3.  (And easier for me to watch!) No shots of novocaine, nothing too nasty, just a cavity that needed to be filled.  He was nervous though and that usually makes me more nervous.  It was ok though.  Better than last time.  The dizzy feelings that I usually get sitting in that chair watching never came. Hallelujah.

The first time Kid3 had to get a tooth filled we went to get wings afterward.  It was a few months ago.  Kid3 and I rarely go somewhere by ourselves, usually he is his dad’s sidekick.  Or his sisters are with us too.  So I decided to make it special.  He had been to this wing place with a friend and just kept raving about it.  We don’t go out to eat a whole lot so this was a treat for me too.

Then the next time he went to the dentist, then entire family joined us for wings.  This time Kid3 said “We have to go mom, it’s a tradition.”

So we went.  I love hanging out with my little man.   We had a good time.  He loved the jukebox and played tons of songs.

He is totally worth the risk of a panic attack.  :)

 

Don’t miss the air guitar in the 3rd pic.  Ha Ha.  Love him!

Panic Attacks: The Dentist & The Bank

Let’s talk about the bank shall we?

Well there is really nothing to talk about!  THANK YOU LORD.

Let’s talk about the dentist instead….

The morning was rushed as usual.  I had no time to get myself in a tizzy.  First stop was the dentist.  The dentist’s office is not an easy place to go for people with anxiety / panic attacks.  But I have had some successes there the last few times we’ve gone so it is getting easier.  I took Kid1 today – she has molars coming in, pushing out some baby teeth.  The baby teeth are hanging on for dear life and will just not let go!  This happened on both sides of her mouth and she complained often that it was sore.  I wasn’t too worried about it – I figured they’d fall out on their own eventually.  Then she ate some skittles and one of the baby teeth cracked right in half.  So half of it came out.  The other half was still hanging on tightly but hurting a lot.

So we went to the dentist.  He decided to remove them both right then & there.  He gave her 4 shots of novocaine and left the room.  We were waiting to give it time to work and then he was going to “extract” her teeth.  She wanted to know exactly how he planned to do that and kinda freaked out.  I remained calm.  I’m the mom right? Moms need to be calm, cool, & collected at times like this.

He came back and explained and she felt better.  I didn’t feel better!  I was thanking God that I remembered to take ativan that morning in preparation for this wonderful day.  I was sitting there, starting to sweat, wondering how on earth I was going to watch him “extract” her teeth.  I’ve heard of this before – there is cutting of the gums involved, right?  I cannot watch that without having a panic attack!   I really can’t.  So my mind was racing.  I was stuck there.  I couldn’t leave.  Of course I couldn’t leave – Kid1 was all worried and wanted me there.

So I sat quietly in the chair and patted her leg reassuringly.  And I hyper-focused on the TV in the ceiling.  I couldn’t hear it very well so I was concentrating really hard on reading their lips.  It was a wonderful distraction!  I was so worried about having a panic attack.  I thought for sure it was coming. 

It never did. 

It helped that he was very quick.  There was no cutting involved.  He used his dental tool – which just looked like a nice pair of pliers – and pulled them out.  It was over in about 3 minutes.  Awesome.   (For future reference: Extract means yank it out with pliers :)

They gave us an instruction booklet on how to deal with bleeding gums and what she is allowed to eat etc.  She was thrilled to see that she was not allowed to exercise all day.  Ha.  We left the office with wads of bloody gauze hanging out of her mouth.

And then we headed to the bank.

We did everything at the counter, no little offices were necessary.  The very cute guy waiting on me was a nice surprise.  He was new and training and took longer than it needed to.  I didn’t mind.  I don’t think Kid1 minded either.  lol  She quickly removed the gauze and shoved it in my coat pocket when we walked up to the counter.  Yea, in my coat pocket.  Nice.

I answered his questions, I signed a paper, we left.

It was nothing.  It was easy.  It was EASY!

Not once did I feel dizzy.  Awesome.  Truly awesome.

Back at the car my daughter and I had a nice laugh about cute guys and bloody gauze in my coat pocket :)

Shall I thank those evil genius hackers for giving me the opportunity to conquer one more panic place?

Well, no.  But it still felt really awesome.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.