End Of School Events – Anxiety!

It’s the end of the school year and anyone whose been here a while knows that this is THE worst time of year for me.  Too many panic attacks over the past few years have made the end of year events a nightmare for me :(

I am doing better than ever.  I will say that.  I haven’t had a panic attack yet.  knock on wood.  I am still having anxiety – big anxiety about the events.  The anxiety is stressing me out but so far I have avoided the meltdown and panic attack in anticipation of the panic attacks that I’m sure are coming.  That is progress.  :)

Tonight is the band concert.  Tomorrow is track & field.  Tomorrow night I work in the concession stand at the baseball field.  Then there are award assemblies, etc.  And my niece is graduating so that means sitting in those big bleachers at the football field for that. God willing.  Truly I would prefer that over the alternative.  The alternative is everyone stuffing into the gym because it is raining.  It would be more crowded than the musicals ever were. Sigh.  That is the only event so far that I am already thinking up good reasons why I can’t make it. Ha.  You know what I mean.  Oh.  And the baccalaureate.  I won’t be attending that either. Nope.  No way.

I actually took the day off work today because I needed to sort all this out in my mind.  (Think of last year though when I had a meltdown, took an ativan and slept the day away on the couch.  See?  Better.)  Piles of paper, events that hadn’t made it to the calendar yet, permission slips, order forms, etc… All these were scattered about and I needed to get a handle on it!  I was feeling out of control and I took today off to try to organize and prepare.

I had a slow start.  Hubby didn’t go to bed right away when he got home.  He kept gabbing at me.  I didn’t tell him I wasn’t working today cuz there is always somewhere he wants to go.  He would say we should go somewhere – truck shopping or somewhere since I was off.  I didn’t want to.  And I didn’t want to deal with him pouting because I had other plans for the day.  Plans that he would judge.  So I kept it to myself and tried to say very little when I replied to him so he would get bored and be done talking!  LOL

So mainly what I got done so far is I cleared the counter of all the paper piles and put things where they go – put events on the calendar, filled out forms and wrote checks for yearbooks and band shoes and fundraisers. I called the insurance company and 2 different doctors to schedule appointments.  I called the consignment shop to set up an appointment that I’ve been meaning to make for a month!

I feel like I accomplished so much – even though it was just stuff I should have already had done! I wish I was one of those people that are always motivated and energetic!

Well I don’t want to get sidetracked.  I need to go plan when to take my ativan so its in high gear at the band concert tonight.  Gonna be HOT in there which just makes it worse but I plan to sit as close to the fan as I can, even if it does blow my hair up in the air the whole time :)  I’d rather be sane than pretty.  LOL

Tough Week

Tuesday 11/13/12

Tough week for me and my lovely panic attacks:

#1  Today – Take Kid1 to the dentist.

#2  Tomorrow – Parent visitation day!!!!  (happily there is only one kid to visit this year…  sadly I only have one kid still in elementary school!!)

#3  Thursday – Fall Sports Celebration.  (In the auditorium – yuk!)

I will be strong.  I can do it.  I will get enough sleep.  I will limit my caffeine.  Thank God that my hormones are under control this week!

Wednesday 11/11/12

#1  Dentist went well.  I took ativan, and kid1 is Miss Independent and didn’t even want me to go back with her.  It was just a cleaning so no big deal.  At the end they called me back to look at her xrays etc.  That was it.  Yay.

#2  Parent visitation day – DONE!
I took ativan this morning, then went to the school around 10am and hung around for about an hour.  It was good.  I felt like a normal human being.  That’s always good. :)  Getting better at this stuff!  So much better!

#3  One more left – I can do it!

Just for fun – and to add to my stress level…. a client has decided he is launching 4 new websites before Black Friday.. HA HA HA HA HA

Yes, that is my crazy laugh.  They weren’t expected to be ready so soon – and they actually aren’t completely, but he wants to make them live and get in on some black Friday madness.  Can’t blame him but that is 4 new sites worth of marketing that needs setup.  That is not a quick thing to do!  Aaaghhhh.  I will try my hardest because he is my biggest client and of course I want to keep him happy but geesh!

I’m not going to worry about that today, I’ll worry about that tomorrow.   Do you remember that book?  “Goose Goofs Off”  That was one of my all time favorite books when I was a kid!

Goose Goofs Off (Sweet Pickles Series)

That really has nothing to do with this post because I have NOT been goofing off but it popped into my head and made me smile.  And I just dug it off the bookshelf and it actually says “I’m taking it easy today.  I’ll do it tomorrow.”  Just for the record.  :)

G’night.

Related Posts:
Parent Visitation Day Follow Up

Panic Attacks: The Dentist & The Bank

Celebrating with Wine and Cookie Dough

I am doing a happy dance.

Well really I am sitting here drinking wine and eating cookie dough.  :)

The school events are over, the kids have half a day of school tomorrow, and then they are free for the summer.

I LOVE summer.  I love hanging out with my kids.  (Ask me in a week if I still feel the same! lol)

I made it through the awards assemblies and 6th grade graduation!

I took too much ativan but I did it.

The graduation assembly today was very nice.  They had a slideshow playing for us to watch while waiting for it to begin.  I didn’t watch it cuz it made me want to burst into tears.  In order to keep the panic attacks away I need to stay focused right?  I think they are going to hand out a copy of that dvd to the kids so I can watch it later.  They had the usual awards, there were 7 kids that gave mini speeches in between, and they all received their “diploma”.  Then we all ate cake and took a gazillion pictures.  It was fun.

I went by myself.  Hubby slept through it even though I asked him to please come with me.  Grammy was babysitting her great-grandbaby and he was screaming his head off when I talked to her on the phone.  He is getting sick I guess.  SO I went alone and was worried that Kid2 would be upset. If she was she didn’t show it.

I got extremely nervous and shaky in the last hour – waiting for it to be time to go.  I tried a bunch of different distractions.  I finally settled into a comfy chair and tried to do some deep breathing. I have also been using a roll-on stress relief oil that Dr. Oz recommended and I bought  from escents aromatherapy.  I love it!  I don’t know what it is about the scent but when I take deep breaths and inhale it really works for me.

The beginning of the program was very difficult and I had a hard time being still.  I kept getting up to take pics and writing in my notebook like always.  I made great efforts to lean back in my chair and try to relax.  About 45 minutes into it I realized I was finally calmed down and enjoying the program. Usually these assemblies arent that long so I guess I never got that far before.

Anyway…. Done.  Good.

I’m gonna drink some wine, put away the cookie dough before I really regret it, perhaps watch some TV, and go to bed.

Sounds like a plan.

Good night.

One More School Assembly

Only 1 more school event and I am FREE!

No more school assemblies, concerts, parent teacher conferences, parent visitation days, musicals, ……. at least until fall :)

Looking forward to that like a kid counting down the days until their birthday!  Ha ha.

Kid2’s awards assembly was yesterday.  It went well.  Hubby didn’t go.  Mom-in-law did but got there before me and sat right in the middle aisle near the front.  Umm…. no.  I went and said hello and told her I was going to sit near the back because I like to stand up  and take pictures.  She was already gabbing happily with the lady next to her.  She didn’t mind at all so I went to the back.

There were no seats left at the end of any rows.  That got my head spinning a bit, but I found a seat in the middle of the back row and convinced myself it was fine because all I had to do to exit was slide my chair back and get out that way.  Yes, I know it is ridiculous to worry about things like that.

I had taken 2 ativans already and did better than expected.  I was worried about a repeat of the panic attack I had at parent teacher conferences.  Happily that didn’t happen.  I still wrote in my little notebook.  I still got very uncomfortably choked up when they gave out the awards that are in memory of children who have died. I took pictures.  And more pictures.  I chatted with an old friend who sat down next to me.  It was fine.  It was really fine. And I was thrilled.

Tomorrow is the 6th grade graduation.  Kid2 is excited.  Lots of kids are speaking – each about different topics that are near and dear to their graduating hearts.  They have put together a slide show of their elementary years.  I have been told to bring my tissues.

This one will be tough because – well because these things are terrible for me anyway – add the tissues and it could get real hard real fast.

I used to think 6th grade graduation was kinda silly.  Now though I see that it is really more about leaving the grade school and beginning Jr high.  That is a big step and it is certainly worthy of a graduation type assembly.  And cake.  :)

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.