2 Hours of Sleep is NOT Enough

Oh  my gosh he is so grumpy today!

I know why.  He only slept about 2 hours yesterday.

When he kept losing it over stupid stuff I checked the computer history.  He got online at 12:05pm.  Busted.

He laid down on the couch right when we were leaving yesterday morning to go to the lake with my sisters and families.  That was about 10am.  He lied and told me that he got up around 2:00.  Even if he HAD slept until 2:00 – that would have only been 4 hours.  Now that I know he was up at noon… 2 Hours of sleep!

No wonder he is being a jerk!

Kid3 was anxiously waiting for him to get home from work this morning.  They are going to the camp with the in-laws this weekend and Kid3 wanted to get the 4-wheelers loaded up.  Hubby told him last night to be ready this morning cuz they were going to do that as soon as he got home from work.  Hubby was rude immediately and yelled at him when Kid3 asked if he could take some k’nex too.  It was such a let down.

Here the kid was being excited for his dad to come home – and gets yelled at pretty much immediately for nothing.  He did nothing wrong.  Kid3 came and told me he made dad mad.  I said “How!?!  It’s not your fault he is grumpy!”  He said “I asked him a question mom, he didn’t like it.”

Aarrgh.  I made sure kid3 understood that it had NOTHING to do with him.  We talked about how he probably was tired and didn’t sleep much yesterday – at that point I thought it was 4 hours….

You know what though – that is not an excuse that works for me.  It’s getting very old – yes, dad is being an ass once again – he is sleep-deprived and that is why…  too bad!  It is his own fault that he isn’t sleeping enough!
Then the rest of us have to deal with it.  Have I told you how much I hate third shift?!?

Even when I try to be all objective and refuse to allow it to get to me…. it’s still crap that he does that to us.  And the kids don’t see it objectively at all.  Not cool.

This morning hubby was watching the news in the living room and after a bit I went out and said hello and I said “Whats up with you?”  He said “nothing” in a very disgusted loud voice.  He knew he was being ridiculous.  He knew it.  Then he started telling me about how the neighbor mowed too far over on our property again and that set him off this morning.  This ticks him off horribly.  I kinda get that – but really he just mowed right out along the road – he probably thought he was being helpful.  Hubby was spewing about how he is going to have to have words with him.

Umm…. please don’t piss off some more neighbors dear …  That never works out well.

I didn’t say much when he was telling me all that.  I learned long ago that it does no good to try to reason with him when he is those moods.  Later, when he is calm and not so low on sleep, he will see that his rage is not necessary.  Oh, I’m sure he’ll still be ticked off about it – but not so intensely!

Know what else kid3 said?  We were talking about how dad wasn’t being nice cuz he was so tired and it wasn’t kid3’s fault.   I said I know it still hurts though doesn’t it?  He said yea.   I said something about how we need to remember that and be careful not to hurt each other with our words.

He said “I’ll have to remember that so my kids don’t hate me.”


That makes my heart ache.


Bedtime Goal – I will try again :)

Well I wasn’t in bed by 10pm.  But I was close.  10:45.  That’s better than I have been doing.

I just couldn’t get there.   I did a load of laundry earlier in the evening – trying to wash away sick germs :)  I went down to hang the blankets etc right before heading up to bed.  They hadn’t wrung out.  Grrr.  Our washing machine takes these fits occasionally.   Usually if I just restart the spin cycle it works and I go on about my life.  So I did that.  And came back in a few minutes.  Still didn’t work.  I shifted all the stuff around in the washer in case it was unbalanced or something and tried again.  Nope.  So I had to just wring it all out by hand and hang it up.

Then ready to head to bed….. but not before Kids 3 gets up, he thinks he may puke again, so we sit in the bathroom together for a while.  Finally I can tuck him in and get to bed.  So it was pretty good.  Didn’t meet my goal but I was close.  That’s still counts :)

Anyway, I do feel a little better this am.  Kid3 only got up once last night.  Fever medicine about 2:30 am.  He slept in this morning and is eating more today.  Hopefully we’re on the up-swing.  Usually it passes to the other kids too of course.  So today I am washing bedding and lysol-ing everything :)  We have the windows cracked now trying to get some fresh air.

Gonna try my bedtime goal again tonight.  10:00 pm. I can do it!

There are lots of horrible things going on in the world right now.  Earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear reactors overheating or something….  Feel silly to complain about my lack of sleep.  I cannot even imagine the grief that many are feeling right now.  So sorry.

Parent – Teacher Conferences Anxiety

Parent / Teacher conferences were this morning. This type of thing usually really works me up for days in advance. Hard to explain why, but anyone that sufferers from panic attacks understands I am sure. This time I think I was just TOO busy to even remember they were coming up. It was awesome to realize the day was here already and I hadn’t flipped out about it :)

I had a rough night – have a nasty cold and was up coughing a lot last night. Did NOT get good rest. And that is my number 1 defense against panic attacks. That has proven to me to be the most important factor in dealing with it. So that worried me. But you know what, I was still feeling pretty miserable this morning and I think that was just the perfect distraction. Conferences went well. Very well. And I think I was more worried about coughing & sneezing on people than I was anything else. Aaaahhh, distraction. Worked wonders for me today :)

Thank you Lord for ….. MY COLD ?!?!? Yea, that’s right.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.