Summer Update

It’s been a while.  I hope everyone is enjoying their summer.

My last post  was May 12th.  wow.  OK, let’s see.

Attended the end of year school assemblies, band concert etc.  They were about the same as usual for me.  Difficult but I got through them.

We left for the beach the day after school was out.  Drove all night to get there.  I still needed my ativan and had a few moments of “Holy Crap here comes a panic attack and I’m flying down a 4 lane highway!”   But overall it was better than expected.  We went to a closer beach instead of OBX this year so no underwater tunnel and it was only about 5 hours instead of 8-9.  Hubby didn’t go even though I really wanted him to.  Mainly so I wouldn’t have to drive.  It was fun but not as relaxing as most beach vacations.  We were just busy exploring new places I guess.

Then all-stars baseball started and we’ve been consumed by that ever since.  Then my son fractured his elbow and now has a cast on.  He/We still go to the games and he hangs out in the dugout though.  I skip some games now though.  And I don’t feel guilty about it.  He’s not playing so I feel OK about it.

I’ve been trying to work and keep up with my hours goal but it really just does not work with the kids home all summer.  I’m trying not to stress about it and do enough to keep my clients happy but still have time for summer fun with my kids.

I scheduled our family camping trip this morning.  We didn’t get the water front site that we wanted but hopefully it will still be fun.

I’m still taking mg of Zoloft 100mg.  I think I still need to increase it some.  I still depend on ativan way too much and I still have trouble driving etc.  I’ve been putting off calling the doctor, just hoping as it built up in my system more, it would be enough.  And of course I am still fighting back against panic attacks the way I always have – limiting caffeine, deep breathing, doing it afraid, etc.  But it is still so much work.  I thought it would be easier by now.  Is it better?  Has Zoloft made a difference?  Oh my yes.  I wouldn’t even drive at all for a while there!  And I had a freak out just riding in the car with my hubby!  So yes, definitely better.  But still not good.

And… Ugh.  I’ve agreed to go to FL with my sisters and kids in Feb.  That means DRIVING TO FLORIDA.  Kill me now.  See, so I really have to get this under control before then!

I’ve actually looked ta bus schedules etc to see how much it would cost to go that way.  Very reasonable.  I was surprised.  That’s the backup plan.  Neither of my sisters agrees to that plan.  LOL

So that’s a quick update.

Just a little over a month until school starts back… it went way too fast.  It always does.  Enjoy the rest of the summer!

 

 

 

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.