Blogging in My Head

That’s all I seem to have time for…

It’s still good therapy though!  I think things through.  I tell the story in my head and it gives me a better perspective.

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

I missed my blogiversary!  I realize it may sound stupid, but I am totally impressed with myself!  lol

The fact that I stuck with this blog for an entire year is amazing!  I am full of ideas and I usually start off full speed ahead with new projects, but run out of steam and get bored quickly.  So this is big.

November 5th was one year since I started this.  I decided to create a post index on this blog.  Thank you very much WordPress, it was a complete pain in the rear.  Seems like there should have been an easier way!  But it’s done.  I called it Archives and put it in the menu at the top of the page.  I wanted a clearer picture of my journey.

This blog has changed my life.  The people I have met through this blog have changed my life.

I have gained confidence and perspective that I would not have had otherwise.  I have found a great support system that means more to me than any of you will ever know.  I have found encouragement when I needed it and some company when all I could blog about was my misery.

This is my special place.

I am a better person because of this blog.  I am stronger and more confident.  I may not know where I am going yet, but I know where I don’t want to be.  I’ve changed the direction of my life.  And this blog has been a key factor in the positive changes in my life.

THANK YOU LORD for my anonymous blog and my cyber friends.

I think we are headed in the right direction.

It has been one month today since I wrote about my life being a big contradiction.

Things are going well and improving at my house.

I have not written anything about hubby being a horrible human being since then.  Ha!  And not because I was holding back.  Amazingly I have not been very upset with him lately.  Well, unless you count yesterday when…..  nevermind.  lol   He seems to like me better too.

There have been many times during the past few years when we were genuinely happy with each other.  Some sunny moments among the storm clouds.  It still amazes me that those moments existed in the middle of so much anger.  And that is what kept us hanging on I am sure.  I have been thinking a lot about those sunny moments.  There have been quite a few.  I want to blog about them and remember them….  I’ll have to do that soon.

Our marriage has been very difficult for a long time.  I really can’t pinpoint a specific date that it all went to hell.  Our relationship has never been “easy.”  Never.  But it had slowly gotten worse.  And then I guess I reached my breaking point.

Things will get worse before they get better.”

And that is what happened when I decided enough was enough.  That’s pretty much around the time that I started this blog.  I had so much pent up anger and feelings that I needed to find an outlet for.  This has been awesome therapy!

I pray every day that hubby & I can continue on this path.  There have been many times in this past year when I thought divorce was the only answer.   Yet, I could never quite completely convince myself of that.  I am glad for that now.  I am also very wary of this progress.  It is hard to trust that hubby will continue to work on our marriage with me.  There have been many false starts before.

We are still very different people.  We have different goals and different ideals.

But for now, we are trudging along and we seem to be getting somewhere.

Yes, we are headed in the right direction.

Blogging is Cheaper than Therapy

I have heard people say that blogging is cheaper than therapy.

I totally get that now!  I feel like I have a new friend.  It’s really very similar to when I tell people off when I’m alone in my car!
That’s still more fun though because I think and talk faster than I can type :)

I work on the computer all day and keep thinking of things I want to tell the world.  So I log out and come over here to wordpress.

I assume the newness will wear off and I will get bored with telling my story to the world.  But for now I am enjoying myself.  Even if no one reads this.  Even if no one ever does, it still feels good.

Therapy in my PJs while sipping coffee out of my favorite mug.  Can’t beat that!

May have to get some really cute slippers now – all in the name of therapy of course!

Told anybody off lately?

I have!  Okay, Okay.  So I tell them off where no one can hear me.  Not even the person I am “talking to”.   My favorite place to do this is in my car.  I drive down the highway just giving them heck.   Alone in my car :)   Don’t worry about the people passing by. (I would roll the windows up tho!)   People might think you are talking to yourself !   Or they may think you are singing to the radio.  Or maybe you have a small child in the back that they can’t see.  Or maybe you are high tech and have a hands-free cell phone contraption that you are using.  It doesn’t matter.  Chances are you will never see them again.

It’s like therapy.  You get to say what you have been too kind to say to their face.  No one will interrupt you and twist your words.  You can go on & on about all the wrongs they have done to you and get it all off your chest.   I do this when I am upset with hubby, or an in-law who likes to tell me what to do  :)   Hubby told me he likes to tell his boss off on the way to work, it helps him get along better with him.

Try it.   You will feel better.   And you will be calmer when you do actually get the nerve to tell them how you really feel :)

Wow – something hubby and I have in common.  We tell invisible people off in our cars… hmmmm.  Well it’s something!  lol

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.