Anxiety: Ativan to the Rescue

I have been turning to ativan more than I want to the past 2 weeks.

– kid2’s orthodontist appointment

– a birthday surprise party where we were in charge of getting the birthday boy there in a tricky way (which meant we were walking in with him while a bunch of people yelled surprise!)

– Senior night at basketball game (crowded AND bleachers!) for my niece.

– Super Bowl party

– cub scouts pinewood derby

– took kids & friends skating & bowling (very crowded!)

– pms

So I’ve been stressing about that the past few days and trying not to take it.  BUT I have been feeling incredibly shaky and jumpy.  And I keep noticing that I’m holding my breath….  I’m just a mess.  So now I’ve decided that it is crazy to not just take the stupid ativan!  I have a doctor appt next week and can get a refill then.  It’ll be fine.  I need to be able to calm down and focus and get some things done!

I’m hoping to feel better in about an hour… In the mean time I’m going to do some diaphragmatic breathing in between bursts of work :)

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Celebrating with Wine and Cookie Dough

I am doing a happy dance.

Well really I am sitting here drinking wine and eating cookie dough.  :)

The school events are over, the kids have half a day of school tomorrow, and then they are free for the summer.

I LOVE summer.  I love hanging out with my kids.  (Ask me in a week if I still feel the same! lol)

I made it through the awards assemblies and 6th grade graduation!

I took too much ativan but I did it.

The graduation assembly today was very nice.  They had a slideshow playing for us to watch while waiting for it to begin.  I didn’t watch it cuz it made me want to burst into tears.  In order to keep the panic attacks away I need to stay focused right?  I think they are going to hand out a copy of that dvd to the kids so I can watch it later.  They had the usual awards, there were 7 kids that gave mini speeches in between, and they all received their “diploma”.  Then we all ate cake and took a gazillion pictures.  It was fun.

I went by myself.  Hubby slept through it even though I asked him to please come with me.  Grammy was babysitting her great-grandbaby and he was screaming his head off when I talked to her on the phone.  He is getting sick I guess.  SO I went alone and was worried that Kid2 would be upset. If she was she didn’t show it.

I got extremely nervous and shaky in the last hour – waiting for it to be time to go.  I tried a bunch of different distractions.  I finally settled into a comfy chair and tried to do some deep breathing. I have also been using a roll-on stress relief oil that Dr. Oz recommended and I bought  from escents aromatherapy.  I love it!  I don’t know what it is about the scent but when I take deep breaths and inhale it really works for me.

The beginning of the program was very difficult and I had a hard time being still.  I kept getting up to take pics and writing in my notebook like always.  I made great efforts to lean back in my chair and try to relax.  About 45 minutes into it I realized I was finally calmed down and enjoying the program. Usually these assemblies arent that long so I guess I never got that far before.

Anyway…. Done.  Good.

I’m gonna drink some wine, put away the cookie dough before I really regret it, perhaps watch some TV, and go to bed.

Sounds like a plan.

Good night.

Anxiety: Don’t Forget to Breathe

How can a person forget to breathe?

It is supposed to just happen naturally.  When did I learn this horrible habit of holding my breath when I’m nervous about something?  I am not even aware that I am doing it.  Ugh.

I should not have to be taught to breath.  How is it even possible to learn to breath incorrectly?

Feeling frustrated right now.

Jill wrote about this a while ago.  I just re-read it.

http://panicfreeme.com/2301/how-to-do-diaphragmatic-breathing/

I don’t have time to lay down and do the whole thing now.  But I’m doing it while sitting here at my desk, dreading the upcoming conference call.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.