My Daughter Is Strong

My daughter is one of my heroes.  She constantly amazes me.  She makes me want to be a better person.  She inspires me to be stronger.

She and I are very much alike.  Very much.  We are more alike than she wants to see right now.  She is a teenager and I don’t blame her for that.  She is all about finding her independence right now so I won’t spoil it for her and point out how much she is just like me!

The difference is that she is STRONGER!   She is like a stronger version of me!  It’s weird to see actually.  Ha.  But I’m so happy for her.  We are alike in that she is extremely empathetic.  She is kind and supportive and loyal.  But she isn’t gonna take anyone’s crap and that makes me want to jump for joy!  She got her strength from her dad, no doubt.  It is a good combination if you ask me. :)

She posted this video on facebook recently.  It sounds exactly like the stuff she is always saying to her friends about boys!

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I love that she gets this.  I’m hoping she can live it herself.  There is a boy that she can’t seem to let go of though and he is not respectful of her.  I think she sees it but you know, he’s hot or something.  lol

I hope that she remembers this and chooses wisely.  I pray that she can see it all more clearly than I ever did.  I pray that she demands respect from her future husband and never has to deal with all the heartache I have.

She makes me proud :)

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Parenting Fail

My parents failed in this area.

My kid’s parents are failing in this area.

source:pinterest

This was not a family tradition I wanted to continue.  I have seen the results.  I am the result.  Low self-esteem, insecure, indecisive, codependent, the list goes on.  I need to fix this NOW.  How do I fix it?

Happy to Clean Out The Fridge

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He just said to me –
“Hey sometime today could you clean out the fridge.  I know you’ve been busy, but it really needs done.”

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Why is this awesome? Because it is much better than –
“This fridge needs cleaned out! ” while he angrily empties the contents onto the counter in a big pile/mess for me to deal with.

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These words were different.  Respectful.  Not angry.  Nice.

The Best Marriage Advice EVER – From the Duggars!

I love the Duggars.

Sorry, but I really do!

Wouldn’t it be great to be a Duggar daughter?  They have learned so much from their parents and have such a great example of how a healthy marriage relationship should be.   They are conservative and wonderful.  More conservative than I care to be, but to each his own.  The Duggars  believe that the man should be the head of the household.  But Michelle Duggar is no doormat!  Did you see that episode where they were discussing their new book.  I LOVED seeing her be so strong and determined and it being OK!  I loved how JimBob handled it and knew he was just not gonna win that one!

They have such respect for one another.  It’s beautiful.  However you may feel about a family having a gazillion kids…. you have to admit that they have a good marriage.

I love to watch how they interact with each other.  (I think she might actually get annoyed at how often he wants a kiss though.  I swear I can see it in her face!  She’ll be mid-sentence and he leans in for a kiss… )

On a recent episode, the girls held a dating seminar at their house.  It probably wasn’t called a dating seminar actually since they don’t date…  I don’t know what they called it.  Not the point.  One of the girls said that if a guy does not respect his  mother and father then he will not respect his wife!

Light bulb moment!  I wish someone had pointed that out to me when I was a teenager!  Yea, it seems like common sense now as I look back.  But at the time I didn’t see it.  I was often surprised at the way hubby spoke to his mom.  But he never talked to me that way.  (17 years later, yea – he does now!)

It makes me so very mad when he speaks rudely to him mom.   And now what is he teaching my son?!?!  That it’s OK to treat your mom that way?  I feel like so much of the talking & explaining I do with my son is just to counteract hubby’s behavior.   And his whole family are yellers.  They are loud and in each other’s business and love each other like crazy.  It was really weird to get used to.  They are a lot closer than my family.  That is still true.   We are definitely more respectful in my family though.  Hmmm.   Why can’t a family be both of those things?  That is what I want!

I just wish I had a better example of a good marriage when I was growing up.  I wish someone had taken the time and helped me figure out who the right person was for me.  I wish someone would have pointed these kinds of things out to me.  I know that as a teenager I may not have listened anyway.  But who knows.  I wish I had been taught these tidbits of information.  In my home, the goal was just “don’t tick dad off”.  There were no loving conversations about what to look for in a mate.  There was just turmoil.  There was a fine example of what I DIDN’T want in my marriage.  Alcoholism.  At least I got that part right.

Why is this the best marriage tip ever?  Because if two people respect each other they will be able work things out.  They will compromise.  They will listen to each other.  They will hear each other.  How can a marriage work without respect?  It can’t, right?

So kids remember –

If a guy does not respect his mother and father then he will not respect his wife!

I have already told my girls this.  Several times.  I will repeat it to them often for the next few years.  Hopefully it will sink in.

I am not afraid anymore.

“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. ”
Bill Cosby

What do I want?  Peace.  Happiness.  Harmony in my home.  A husband who loves & appreciates me.  Respect.  The same things most people want I’m sure.  Things that have eluded me.

I am not afraid.  I used to tip toe around this place.  Trying to keep the peace.  No more.  If hubby is not being nice.  I tell him so.  I used to be afraid.  Afraid of pissing him off yet again.  I was afraid to make him to mad.  Oh he never physically hurt me, but his words cut like a knife.  I was so easily torn down.  And it wasn’t just hubby.  I am a people pleaser.  I did it to myself.  I always tried to do what I was supposed to do.  Whether I wanted to or not.  What a sucky way to live.  Now, I stand up for me.  I say what I think and I make no apologies.  No, I am not mean.  That’s not what I am saying.  I am saying that I am just being ME.  Finally.  I put my opinions out there and I make my own plans.  Unfortunately I still have to work at it.  It is a process.  But I am getting better at it!

I love the quote above.  Love it.  “It” is so many things in my life.  So many.  I definitely want it more than I am afraid of it!

Happy Hubby Moment – The Window.

I like to open the windows and let in the fresh air as often as possible.  Yesterday is got up to 62 degrees here.  Beautiful!  So I had the front door open – the screen door closed of course.  And the window in my office open a little.  It was still a bit chilly but I figured it was airing out any sick germs in the house right?  (ugh – nasty stuff going around school!) And I turned back the thermostat so that the heat wouldn’t kick on because  of this.

Hubby and I have had many arguments about this.  Ugh.  Too many.

He hates it when I move the thermostat at all.  I say get over it.  I turn it down during the day when the kids leave for school.  Our oil bill is $200/month!  I’d rather wear a sweatshirt than pay more!  It is warmer upstairs so it does not make him cold upstairs while he is sleeping or anything.  He is the guy though that says you set the thermostat at the ideal temperature and LEAVE IT ALONE.  Says it is more effiecient that way. I dunno about that.  If I get hot, I turn it down.

He says I let the heat out  & the cold air in when I open the windows.  Yes, I do sometimes.  It is fresh air and I think we all need that in the house.  It needs to be aired out, right?  I think so :)  Like I said, I turn down the thermostat when I do it.

One time he came into my office, and just closed my window.  I said I wanted it open.  And he refused to open it again.  And then yelled at me when I opened it again. We had a big fight about the fact that he thought he was in charge of the window in my office.  It is my office.  Yes we share this house, but no one else was in here with me.  Come on, if he was in the living room watching TV or something and opened up the window, I would not just go close it.

It’s some sort of weird control thing I think.  It makes stupid stuff like this into big deals.

The Happy Hubby Moment? When he came downstairs yesterday and saw the front door open he grumbled something like “The door is hanging wide open….”   I think he thought kid1 just didn’t close it when she came in.  I said it’s open on purpose.  He came back to my office, walked over and looked out my window.  He said it is still chilly out and closed it.  And then he looked at me kinda sideways to see if I would react.  I gave him a look and he opened it again and laughed.

The best part of this is that the last time we had a fight about the windows was in the fall, so September maybe?  So it’s not something we have “discussed” recently.  He just saw the situation all differently now that we like each other again.  And respect?  The respect is growing in this house.  Before we both just wanted to win.  Now, we want to get along.

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.