Easter with my mom

Ok tell me it’s not just me.

I’ve talked before about how I barely have a relationship with my mom.  We get together for holidays and that is about it even though she only lives about 20 minutes from me.  She’s just not interested.  We get along fine, we’re polite, we’re just not close.

So my mom sent us all an email about a week ago to find out when we could all get together for Easter.  She told us they finally finished their renovation.  I don’t even know what renovation she is talking about.  She also asked if we would host it again.  I didn’t reply for a few days.  I’m sorry but it made me mad.  She has a nice big house.  She has more seating room than any of us.  And she just finished some renovation.  Why wouldn’t she just have it?  Wouldn’t it be nice to let your kids see your ‘renovation’?

My sister did suggest to her once that she now has the perfect house for family get togethers and we should just always have them there.  It was just spur of the moment comment but my  mom made it clear that was not going to happen.  It was not “fair to her” to have to do that.  What???  It’s not like she cooks the whole meal either!  We all bring a dish or two.  Heck last time one of my sisters even provided the ham for the main dish.  It’s too much of a burden to have her kids over more than once a year??

Anyway, my sister finally replied with dates that worked for her family and said “Doesn’t (me) always host?  Maybe someone else should.”  This is the sister that I am closest to and she probably knew I was stewing on it.  So then I replied and agreed to the dates and asked if someone else was volunteering.

THEN this morning my mom replies and says those dates don’t work cuz my aunt and uncle will be visiting that weekend.  WHAT?  My aunt and uncle have been here maybe 3 times.  They live in another state.  I LOVE my Aunt.  She is one of the most lovable people you will ever meet.  I’m SURE she would be happy to see us too.  It just immediately hit me in the gut.  It makes no sense.  What possible reason would there be to not even already be planning to all get together when they visit??    My uncle has Parkinsons and has some trouble but usually he just goes to another room and lies down when he gets tired at these types of events.  But he still comes and usually it is the whole family which is a lot more people than this would be.  I’ll bet she’ll use that as an excuse.  And I’ll bet my aunt will wonder why we didn’t come see her when she visited….

I text my sister and told her to read mom’s email and tell me her gut reaction.  She replied with exactly what I was thinking.  But then she replied to mom and asked her why we couldn’t still have it and that it would be nice to see them.  I’m too stubborn to say that.  It makes me so mad.

It’s not just me, right?

Summer is going WAY too fast

Life has been busy as usual.  Summer is going WAY too fast.

I will probably babble way too much and this will be way too long.  It’s been way too long since I had a chance to type it all out. :)

Of course baseball has kept up moving with Kid3 on the allstars team.  It keeps us busy but is also lots of fun.
Kid3 is actually not playing at the moment.  Back on June 20th he got hit with a ball in the chest – off to the side.  That was healing up but then he hurt himself at home trying to be a He-Man by moving our very heavy firepit himself and I think he pulled a muscle on the same side?  I really don’t know – perhaps it was weak there because it was bruised already?  He had been having a hard time hitting at the games and striking out way more than normal.  He said it hurt to swing the bat.  Well with the tournaments – you have game after game after game.  During one game – the 4th in 3 days – he actually cried.  I didn’t know he was crying or I’d have gone to get him.  Crazy coach made him bat anyway – even though he told him his chest hurt – and he was crying.  Kid3 had already struck out 3 times that game, they were losing and it was the last inning.  He was a nervous wreck anyway.  He said the other team’s catcher was even saying to him “It’s OK batter, It’s OK.”  AWE!  I hope to see that team again soon and thank that little kid (or his mother) for being so kind!!!  ANYWAY…. he hit the ball, it hit the fence, he brought in 3 runs and they won the game – all in a matter of seconds.  So exciting!

I was not as excited when I found out he was hurting.  The next day I took him to the doctor who thought he must have a fractured rib.  He had a chest x-ray.  Nothing is broken or fractured thank heavens but he is not supposed to play until he is healed up, which just takes time and is a miserable thing for these boys to accept.  These boys = Kid3, hubby, crazy coach, teammates…..  seems the only people that agree with me that we should listen to the doctor are the moms!  Surprise, huh?  ha.

We hosted a 4th of July party – the weekend after the 4th with my side of the family.  It was awesome. I had so much fun and hope to do that more often.  My dad spent way too much on fireworks but we enjoyed them all.  We all hung out on our new porch, the kids jumped on the trampoline, we swam in Grammy’s pool, we roasted marshmallows at the firepit, we played frisbee with glow sticks in the dark , they caught lightning bugs, everyone stayed WAY too long and late.  Fun!  It was almost just how I pictured it with our new porch.  If we ever get the hot tub working it will be even better :)
Hubby complained about it beforehand and while setting up for it – but was on his best behavior during the party.  He was wonderful and participated in the conversations, cooked on the grill, and even played frisbee with the kids.  Yay :)

He did get terribly annoyed about the people constantly going in and out of the house since we had the air conditioning running.  (We just have window air conditioners.)  I kept telling him “Let it go please.”  Finally I think he did.  Or at least he quit glaring at me every time someone forgot to close the door.  All in all, it was a good night and he agreed we should do it again next year.

What else?  We have been trying to go on a day trip at least once a week.  Me & the kids.  We go to the lake or somewhere like that – fun and free – and hang out with the cousins all day.  Summer is going way too fast!  I am trying to work and not getting as much done as I like – but the kids still complain that mom always has to work.  Ugh.  That part sucks and yes it does seem like I am always in this office.  Yesterday I stayed home from the ballgames – planning to work ALL day.  Guess what – our internet went out – then it was on & off all afternoon.  I gave up and watched a movie.

Hubby came home after the first game – he had to work last night so he wouldn’t be able to stay for the whole second game anyway – the kids stayed there with Grammy & Pappy.  So we watched an adult movie together.  lol  Not an adult movie like that.  We watched “The Change Up.”  Wow.  Most movies I see are PG or PG-13.  Maybe this was R – it said NR though when I checked.  The F word and boobies and sex and oh my.  lol  Guess I’m so used to family movies these days – I was a bit shocked.   It was a nice break from our to-do list though.

It’s weird how much I used the phrase “way too” in this post.  It wasn’t planned and probably a bit annoying.  Guess what?  I’m way too tired to care.


My Mom

Let’s talk about my mom shall we?

She called yesterday morning as I was typing that last blog post and replying to hubby’s texts about needing a phone number for someone.

I saw her on the caller ID and chose not to answer it.  She left a message.  She wants to know if I will host Easter dinner.
The thing is… it irritates me that the only time I see her is on holidays.  This year was different because she moved and needed our help.  So we actually saw her when she moved in early November, at Thanksgiving dinner at her house, another time at her new house because she wanted us to haul away an old refrigerator, and then at Christmas dinner at my brother’s house.  I haven’t seen her since then.  She did call on my birthday this year.  That was nice – and unusual, she normally just sends me a card.

She lives about 20 minutes from me.  She is about 15 minutes from the school.  She never even attempts to get together, or attend any of the kid’s events.  She is just a mom that I see on holidays.

Why don’t I try harder with her?  Been there, done that.  It is emotionally draining.  She really just doesn’t want bothered.

For Christmas and 4th of July we travel to see relatives about 3 hours away.  At the 4th of July picnic one year my cousin said “So what has your mom been up to?”  I said “I don’t know.  I haven’t seen her since we were here at Christmas.”  Picture shocked faces from everyone in hearing distance.  I didn’t say it rudely, I wasn’t upset.  It was just a fact that seemed so crazy to everyone else.  It didn’t to me.  To me it was normal.

So why didn’t I answer the phone?  Well, I couldn’t deal with it yesterday I guess.  I was very surprised to see her number on the caller ID.  Usually after I talk to her I get upset.  Sad mainly I guess.  I just didn’t want to deal with it.

And Easter dinner?  I hate hosting family gathering at times like this when my marriage is in the crapper.  Hubby and I will certainly have arguments about it, he will be a grump about the whole thing, I will pray that he is at least nice to people when they are here.  I will put on my fake happy smile and hope for the best.  Ugh.  Today is not a good day for me to think about that.  I will call her back next week.

Things That Make Me Smile

Just a little fun today.

Flickr Mosaics – I see these on blogs a lot.  I was up too late again last night and did this when I should have been sleeping.   Here is a flickr mosaic of things that make me smile.  I did not follow the directions.  I started and then I was annoyed by the questions and the images that came up for those search results.  So I just searched for topics that make me happy and are important to me.  Like chocolate, peanut butter, books, love, hiking in the woods, family beach trips, happy kids, etc…

Things That Make Me Smile

1> Love. 2>Tulips from my flower beds.3>My comfy bed.4>Beach vacations with the family.5>Chocolate & peanut butter6>Lots of Books.7>My Marriage.8>Family (that is a family tree).9>Hiking in the woods.10>Family.11>Happy kids being kids.12>Love taking pictures!


Here are the real directions:

Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search, using only the first page, choose your favorite image, copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker (3 columns, 4 rows).

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your job?
6. Favorite Drink?
7. Dream Vacation?
8. Favorite Dessert?
9.  What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11.One word to describe you?
12. Your Flickr Name?

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This blog is my personal journal. I am trying hard to save my marriage. No, I am trying to build a great marriage. In case you haven't heard, marriage is HARD!
I am fighting back against anxiety & panic attacks. This is year 5 of this adventure. I am also codependent. I am an ACOA. Fun, Fun. I am trying hard to become a better me.